Tuesday, May 10, 2011

This Wondrous Mess

I get a daily email from Ann Voskamp's wonderful blog, A Holy Experience. She was sharing about feeling like a messed up mother and yet she writes how she sees in a moment how beautiful all of life really is. She says, "I haven’t got anything together and I can stop looking for some hidden door that’s going to someday open up to my real, perfect life and I can stop waiting and I can start laughing praise, because this wondrous mess, this is it."

This quote really echoes what I'm feeling right now. Harried. Seems like I've just been on the go without slowing down and to boot I've got a strained lower back. It seems to abate at night, but throughout the day it aches just bending over to pick something up or moving around. And because I can't slow down yet with another busy week that started Monday, the ache gets a little worse. And the attitude gets a little worse. Less patience, less desire to pick up around the house, less desire to say kind words.

I am so grateful for the Lord's grace which causes me to slow down, even if it is only a few moments, and reflect. I see that this mess is a beautiful life because He is the life giver. I have so many things on my to-do list right now, and I am letting that be okay. Letting it be okay for example that I started "31 days to clean" on May 2nd and only got day 1 completed so far ;) Letting it be okay that I was feeling elated when my son went down for an early nap, thinking I may even have 3 hours of time alone, only to realize he wasn't sleeping and a half hour into his nap was begging me to get him. I could hear his pleas through the closed door, "Mommy can you hear me? Mommy come get me. It's a beautiful day outside. Let's go in the pool." I was just tickled and ended up using that 3 hours just enjoying playing in the sprinkler and the wading pool on an unseasonably warm, 86-degree Spring day. I have lovely memories from today now that I will carry with me because I'm trying to slow down in the right places. The bills will get paid and the nonessential mail will pile up, yet through the Lord's grace I am finding ways to savor the special time of "now" with my so-quickly-growing little boy. And I'm finding I like this wondrous mess.


Lovin' Life said...

Enjoy those fun moments. They come and go so quickly. I can relate to thinking a little one is down for a nap, only to hear them playing in their room! :) I will be praying for healing for your back.

Angie said...

It is hard some days to just let it go. OUR perfection does not allow for memories so they must lead us. Those days are precious and the house etc will wait. I am sorry to hear that your back is ailing. Missing you

Melissa said...

I'm walking through some of this too. Just so very thankful for Grace and His gentle leading.

Tracey M. said...

Konnichiwa: Thank you so much for the prayers for my back! Still limping along but the heating pad helps.

Angie: Thanks, also about my back. And yes, it can be really hard to just let it go.

tea said...

I hear ya. Lately I have been tired and lacking energy. Being patient is so hard during those times for me, and I admit I look forward to naptime and having time alone. But it's true these days are precious and will be gone too soon, and we need to treasure them.

I'm sorry about your back. I have a bad back and I know that pain is no fun at all. Saying a prayer for you. ♥

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