Tuesday, May 10, 2011
This Wondrous Mess
I get a daily email from Ann Voskamp's wonderful blog, A Holy Experience. She was sharing about feeling like a messed up mother and yet she writes how she sees in a moment how beautiful all of life really is. She says, "I haven’t got anything together and I can stop looking for some hidden door that’s going to someday open up to my real, perfect life and I can stop waiting and I can start laughing praise, because this wondrous mess, this is it."
This quote really echoes what I'm feeling right now. Harried. Seems like I've just been on the go without slowing down and to boot I've got a strained lower back. It seems to abate at night, but throughout the day it aches just bending over to pick something up or moving around. And because I can't slow down yet with another busy week that started Monday, the ache gets a little worse. And the attitude gets a little worse. Less patience, less desire to pick up around the house, less desire to say kind words.
I am so grateful for the Lord's grace which causes me to slow down, even if it is only a few moments, and reflect. I see that this mess is a beautiful life because He is the life giver. I have so many things on my to-do list right now, and I am letting that be okay. Letting it be okay for example that I started "31 days to clean" on May 2nd and only got day 1 completed so far ;) Letting it be okay that I was feeling elated when my son went down for an early nap, thinking I may even have 3 hours of time alone, only to realize he wasn't sleeping and a half hour into his nap was begging me to get him. I could hear his pleas through the closed door, "Mommy can you hear me? Mommy come get me. It's a beautiful day outside. Let's go in the pool." I was just tickled and ended up using that 3 hours just enjoying playing in the sprinkler and the wading pool on an unseasonably warm, 86-degree Spring day. I have lovely memories from today now that I will carry with me because I'm trying to slow down in the right places. The bills will get paid and the nonessential mail will pile up, yet through the Lord's grace I am finding ways to savor the special time of "now" with my so-quickly-growing little boy. And I'm finding I like this wondrous mess.