When Your Heart Aches for Your Mom on Mother's Day

I am feeling the ache of the loss of my mom acutely this year. In part because yesterday was the day we planned to go visit her grave, and my husband's mom's grave, which is a tradition we honor every year at this time, but after spending yesterday morning at urgent care, my "mother's day" present was Strep Throat. I feel awful physically, but also ache in a deep place inside my heart. It's been nearly 23 years since my beautiful mother, Mary Ellen, passed out of my life. But her warmth and the intensity of her love will never leave me, and she is still holding me tight.

The paragraph above and below were written on my Facebook page. I was overwhelmed with the blessing I received in return for sharing my heart about something difficult. It was truly balm for my soul.

Here are some of the sweet sentiments:

(From my sister:) The hole in our hearts is always there, you just cant replicate the love from your mom...especially ours! It never gets easier. I just have to tell you, btw, I am so impressed by what an incredible mother you are! Mom is beaming w/pride!

How great your joy at your reunion in the Kingdom of Heaven...

Dear dear Tracey...i met you so long go on this life's journey and remember so well your pain....I am thankful I could be there for you that summer in Springfield, MA of 1994....you are who you are because of your precious mother...she lives on in your heart and your children..

May Mary Ellen rest in the peace of Christ, dear sister.

My heart goes out today especially to those who find this day heartwrenching too, for whatever the reason. This article from Lisa-Jo Baker "Mother's Day for the Motherless Mother"  was a little gift of blessing for me last evening. I just sat and let the tears and longing flow, for all the milestones missed, and bittersweet memories, and the Lord met me there.

Finally, something fun to share. I have a self-portrait I made while I was the parent-helper at my son's homeschool co-op last month. All the kids were using mirrors to draw themselves and I got to join in. The picture does make me laugh a little, to see how it turned out, but it also is the face of me as a mother. I really like it because I drew it with just the pure bliss of wanting to create it, as so many times I get nervous what others think of my art. We hung this up in our entry way, and in many ways it reminds me of my mom too.

♥♥♥ I Love You Mom! ♥♥♥
Happy Mother's Day

As always, 

Thank you for Visiting!

A trip to Baraboo

Today started off with reading from the picture/sounds book with J. I think this is moving onto his list of favorites. Since we can't have pancake Saturdays due to swimming lessons, we had pancake Sunday. J got upset when he wanted the "blue cup" (water) and I would only give him the green cup (milk). This set off a crying jag that wouldn't stop until I gave him blankie and nuk.

For Mother's Day, we have a tradition since we both lost our mothers that we make a day trip to visit the cemetery and surrounding area. L lost his mother when he was 19 to ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) and my mom died from breast cancer just before I turned 21. We have a bittersweet kinship having both gone through the tragedy of losing our moms around the same time in life. Today we went to Baraboo to visit L's mom's site since Beloit (where my mom's site is) was a bit far to do in one day. In Baraboo, we took a scenic drive including showing J daddy's old neighborhood and stopped at Devil's Lake to get our annual state parks pass. It was the first time to Devil's Lake since J was born so his first time there and L made sure to get a picture. J got some wildlife cards at the park office that he carried around with him. We went down by the water and he enjoyed playing in the sand on the beach. It was not quite 60 but beautiful with sun and wonderful view. On our way home, we stopped to see L's dad in Portage with whom we are in the process of restoring our relationship. He has many talents and woodworking is one of them. J enjoyed playing with a small, wooden tractor and riding on a wooden rocking horse which could be things Grandpa makes for him in the future. J didn't have a nap but he was all wound up in the car making little stories up while he played with a tiny dump truck.

He got a short nap and then we went to church. He graduated from the infant room and moved into the toddler room in what is called Planet Kid at church. It'll be neat to see how he grows now that the focus will be on teaching a verse for the month while doing crafts and singing songs. I think he will like it. Afterward, we stopped at the infant room to say goodbye to everyone. He had a little fan club! There were about 6 or 7 volunteers who just adore him who all came around to say goodbye and wish him well. It was so cute. The message today was about loving and serving in our community. Extending ourselves to others by partnering with God. There's a study day tomorrow for the college students and J and I will be volunteering at the welcome desk in the afternoon. It should be fun! We had a nice dinner at Panchero's with our life group friends and their kids. J and I shared a carnitas quesedilla and he loved it. He also just likes saying the word quesedilla. At one point, he grabbed my hand and said "come here mommy, walk" and took me around the restaurant where he hopped into a couple booths just to sit. Our last stop was at Culver's where moms got a free sundae. Not that I needed it, but it was yummy. A nice Mother's Day.