Julian gets his groove on

We remembered daylight saving's time and I slept in a bit since Julian was sleeping too. Daddy was off to work this morning to do some overtime so Julian and I were on our own. He was really whiny like he didn't get enough sleep and was wanting to be picked up and held a lot. He did OK with a breakfast of pancakes and strawberries. He wanted to color from his Thomas activity book but then wanted the magazine I was looking at so I let him flip through the pages. Then the cutest part of the morning, Julian was dancing to music on his nursery rhyme toy. He'd go over and press the button for the music. Then he'd dance in the middle of the room waving his arms up and down and dance around in a circle. When the song ended he'd say "yea" and go back and press the button for another song to start dancing to. I got a little of it on video. I danced with him for a bit and then he changed gears wanting to sit in his chair. He ended up falling over (onto carpet) and crying but then started saying "painting?" and so I took him downstairs to paint. We ended up playing with Playdoh making "pancakes" again and play cooking and eating them. This kept us busy for a while. Later, after he went down for his nap, I gave Rio her IV. That still sounds goofy to me and I'm wrestling with whether it's just time to put her down. It's not easy for me to think of ending her little life. She is breathing better today so I'm glad she's not struggling for air. Yesterday afternoon she actually came upstairs and hung out which she hasn't done in days.

Today I finished the second half of 2Samuel 12. One thing Beth points out is the impact of David's fall into sin. Not only did it effect those right around him, but it affected the neighboring nations. These nations had their eyes on him and had gained respect for him and for his God watching the course of his life and kingship. After this, the nations lost respect for both David and God so the effect was far-reaching. Yet through David's failures, God is teaching the very essence of salvation; he will forgive the sinner yet judge the sin. As Nathan predicted, David's son fell ill. David was brought to a crucial place of depending on God as he fell to the ground and fasted and prayed. Even though the answer was no, David put himself at God's mercy. One of the most painful experiences would have been David turning to worship God after his son died. He could pour out his heart while at the same time acknowledge God's goodness. In this process, his relationship with God was restored. In reflection, I see that even though David fell, his intimacy with the Lord was restored very quickly. And I believe so it is with us. That as soon as we come to him, he is right there meeting us. James 4:8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. God responded by then blessing he and Bathsheba with another son, Solomon.

We visited Grampa again today at the hospital. It's turning out to be a beautiful day. The sun is shining bright and it's above 50 degrees. The wind is a bit cold though. As we were walking down the hall to the room he starts saying "Mickey Mouse?" remembering the balloon he saw yesterday in Grampa's room. My husband's sister and two boys were also visiting so they got to see Julian too. He was a little bit shy at first and wasn't talking much. He kept saying a word that sounded like crackers but I knew it wasn't crackers, then I figured it out. Sometimes it's like learning a foreign language keeping track of words Julian learns. This word was actually "checkers". He kept asking for checkers because we sat in the lobby yesterday and introduced him to checkers there. He also kept pointing to and asking for the markers the nurse had up on the dry erase board except he called them crayons. He was getting a little insistent so instead I brought out his coloring book and a crayon and then he got really focused on coloring.

At church we continue to study the book of Luke and Jesus redefining the status quo. Jesus goes to the house of a prominent Pharisee where he is being constantly watched. He talks about the Sabbath and asks them a couple questions but they have nothing to say. He ends up healing a man which he knows is controversial since it is the Sabbath. He later shares a parable about whether whether to take the place of honor at a friend's table or taking the lower place and ends with a promise, Luke 14:11 For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. John Rosensteel (our preacher today) used a visual to describe what this is like, he brought a ladder. He reminded us how in life as we move up the "rungs of the ladder" we get a distorted view of people and situations. It didn't take me long, but on our way home I caught myself doing this saying something negative about someone driving. It's too easy to look down and be critical or judgmental of others and John encouraged us to take the place of Jesus who humbled himself. One of the scriptures he referred to was Phillipians 2:4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

We had dinner again with our friends from our small group, the ones whose daughters really like Julian. He wanted to go in the play area and started crawling in the tubes. I was a little nervous for him to go in there alone and my friend must have sensed that since she sent her kids in to join Julian. He went down the slide with their son and had this huge grin on his face. Later when he was halfway up the stairs to the tube slide something must have spooked him and he started calling for me but then it turned to crying so I scooted up the slide just to find they had gone down the other way. Finally Julian and I met up and he calmed down. After a few minutes he was right back at it and wanted to go in again but they had shut it down for cleaning. He went over to visit a couple of the girls from the play area but got a little too close to one girl. I think he liked the Dora picture on her shirt but he started almost pawing at it so I had to go get him. Later, he visited their little boy in his car seat and was really good about being careful. I never know what he's going to do when he goes up to people so I stay close.

It's the close of another day and getting too close to tomorrow already so I'll sign off for now.

Visited Grampa today

After pancakes for breakfast, Julian wanted to color for a bit. Then I went downstairs to check on Rio. This morning she seems worse. Instead of laying on the bed she was sitting on the floor and her breathing sounds wheezy like her nose is stuffed. I got her IV equipment and Julian was upset with me being downstairs so I thought I'd keep him busy with my watering can he was reaching for. He was pretend watering but couldn't reach the plants so I took him around to the plants and helped him "water" them. Then I went downstairs and gave Rio her IV. She was real squirmy. Part of me feels like maybe my next step should have been putting her down instead of extending her life with the IV. That's what my husband is thinking. The vet thinks the wheezing could be a sign that her heart is too weak to pump the extra fluid so it's gathering in her lungs. I have to make a decision soon.

We spent some time at the library this morning and I checked out Dot the Fire Dog (one of his favorites) along with Elmo goes to the Firehouse. I also got a book called Who's Been Here which is a story about discovering which animals made which tracks. It was really dreary outside, very windy with light rain which pelted your face.

Today I read and studied the first half of 2Samuel. Beth shares how this is a very painful chapter to read where David is confronted by Nathan (a prophet). The Lord sent Nathan to David. He tells a story which alludes to David's behavior and shares words from the Lord which were basically, "I anointed you, delivered you and gave you Saul's kingdom, why did you despise the word of the Lord?". He wounded the heart of the Lord. Then David admits his sin to Nathan who tells him that David is not going to die but the Lord will bring calamity out of his house and his child will die. David fasted and prayed but his son still died. After the death, he went out and worshiped the Lord. His heart is turning back to God. He comforted Bathsheba who later gave birth to another son, Solomon, whom it says the Lord loved. Beth reflects on this sharing what happens when we don't confess our sin right away. It ends up festering inside us and effects us not only emotionally but can have a physical effect. She calls it sin sickness. It also puts a wedge between us and God until we confess it to him and seek forgiveness. She refers to Psalm 32:3 When I kept silent my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.

We spent the afternoon up at the hospital visiting my father-in-law. We have been estranged from him and my stepmother-in-law for over a year. It's a very, very long story. It's related to my long-term depression and major differences we had. We are working on reconciliation and I think this was a good step in that direction. My husband's dad had part of his lung removed because of a tumor in it. They think they got it all but won't know for sure until after a few days of reviewing test results. I think it really made a difference for his dad to see Julian and for Julian to see his Grampa.

The big excitement for this Saturday evening was going to get groceries. My husband was invited to a friend's home where some of the men from his men's group at church were hanging out. So Julian and I got the shopping done while daddy was gone. I love how our grocery store will have neat things for Julian at a great price. It's where I got him his first sled and then today I got him a large plastic golf club with a large plastic golf ball. I was showing him how to play and we had a couple different games going. In the first game, Julian would throw the ball to me and say "hit it" and I'd hit the ball and he'd go running for it. Then we played a game like tag where I'd try to get the ball to him and he'd try to dodge it. Later I saw him practicing hitting the ball with the club. He's getting the hang of it.

Ahh...now I get some alone-time and can relax and curl up with a book.