Learning more about forgiveness

Our friends are leaving soon to go to Malawi, Africa, as missionaries and they threw a going away/birthday party today at a kid's indoor gym place. Most of it was for older kids, but there were a few things J could do like tossing balls, playing in a kids car, walking on the big gym mats. I held him on one of the tall mats so he could jump and he couldn't stop laughing.

Later, we hung out at home playing outside and it was pretty warm. It was pushing 90 today. The neighbor gal came over with some bubbles that J liked chasing after. She also offered to babysit if we ever need it. I opened up his new bubble mower to try it out but it wasn't working so the neighbors helped get it going. He wanted to take it all over like going partway around the block. He got sidetracked by some boys playing in their sprinkler and wouldn't come so I had to carry him and the mower home. J had fun playing with a lot of his new toys today.

We are continuing the forgiveness series in our church and today the focus was on forgiving others. He used a visual of dirt and how out of the dirt (of our lives) can come something beautiful like flowers. He went over what forgiveness is and what forgiveness isn't. (Like forgiveness isn't that you are saying what happened was okay.) One of the things that stood out was that forgiveness isn't reconciliation. That they are separate things. To forgive someone, you don't need the other person to admit their wrong, it is just getting your heart right. But in reconciliation, the other person (or you both) admits their wrong, and it starts a process of restoring the relationship. L and I stayed after to pray with people yet no one came to our areas. So we just prayed on our own until we decided it was time to go. On our way out, we had great timing as we ran into my friend Eileen. She invited us out to dinner and we had a really nice time. Our husbands finally got to meet and talk and the kids did well too. J ate really well which was surprising. He's often finicky and yet today he had no problems sharing my chicken burrito and peas and rice. He really liked the Spanish rice. The only bad thing was when J was dancing in the bathroom and fell and bit his lip and it bled. I so hate when he gets hurt! It always hurts me too. I was glad it stopped quick and he calmed down.

Looks like this week is going to be warm and in the 80's every day. I think I'll get out J's new pool. Auntie Amy got him a pool with a little elephant slide that'll be fun to try out.

So many things reflect God's beauty, opening my eyes

This morning we made a quick stop to the grocery story for some things I forgot yesterday. Julian wanted to go to the park and was upset when I put him in the car and explained we were going for groceries. He REALLY loves going to the park now that it has warmed up. Anytime we go in the garage now is a trigger for wanting to go to the park. When we came home, we did play outside for a while. We had a couple balls to hit around and just enjoyed being in the sun and fresh air. I wish we had a little sandbox or something for play in the yard, but we really don't have a lot of room since it's a condo. Julian did pretty well with breakfast, eating mini muffins and yogurt. He's also getting better at using the spoon. I notice he often uses his left hand with the spoon or fork but other things he uses his right.

I spent time in 2Samuel 22. David and his men are again fighting the Philistines. There's a lot of fighting in the Old Testament. Beth reflects how God brings David victory but this time through another person. It says David was exhausted in battle. Beth traces this word and in Hebrew it means to flee or fly away. That what David wanted to do was run and hide. It's refreshing to see David's humanity here. It reminds me of times when battles come and I'd rather run and hide than get into the confrontation. It takes a lot of effort. One of his men came to his rescue. This made me think of how wonderful it is when someone dear comes to our rescue when we need it, when we're exhausted. I can think of a time only last fall when I was overwhelmed in my depression and exhausted from the battle and my sisters came to my rescue. They stepped in to care for Julian as I needed some time out to take care of myself.

I was getting sleepy and then God gave me a second wind and I had a good study of Esther. The author has us imagine what it must have been like as Esther prepared to go before the king. Something in that day that could result in death. What an emotionally trying time it must have been knowing she would do it and it could mean her death. I see this as an example of how God uses trying circumstances to help strengthen our faith. When Esther came to the inner court, it is beautiful as you see no hesitation at all from the king and in fact he was pleased with her as he accepted her and invited her into the court. What a powerful example of an answer to prayer.

Julian did well with lunch, other than a couple mini melt downs. He cried when I wouldn't let him eat a muffin until he ate more of his hot dog. He often cries when not getting something he wants (or not getting it right away) but in prayer God has helped me grow stronger in not just giving him something because he's crying. How this even in a small way can help to prepare him for life and help him grow. He is beginning to learn his colors. He knows red, yellow and blue. Having a couple balloons has helped and also giving him crayons to color with and having him ask for them by color. After lunch, we went to the park for a while. It was really just beautiful today with the sun shining bright, the smell of spring and temperatures around 60 something. There were other kids around today so Julian hung back a bit and didn't go down the slide as much. The highlight was that he got to walk a little chihuahua. He went over to see the tiny dog and the woman handed him the leash and he led the dog around a bit. He ended up dropping the leash but thankfully the dog ran back to his owner. While we were walking home, I remembered reading somewhere today that the next time you were outside to really take it in and how easily you can find five things reflecting God's beauty. This was a really good exercise and I felt my heart connecting with God's. Here are my five of today:
-fluffy little buds on a tree that looked like soft pussy willows
-tree that had bright red fuzzy buds all over it
-the beauty of a bird in flight
-tall grasses softly moving in the breeze by the pond
-leaves and sticks dancing around in circles in the wind
I really appreciated our time outside even more.

Julian ended up waking up early again from his nap. I'm not even sure he went to sleep. He was only down about 45 minutes. So while I cooked, he was trying to find something to do. He saw the pans and said "me cook" and so I got him some pans and put a little bit of water in the bottom and gave him a spoon. He had fun stirring and making "soup". Then he did some coloring and kept calling me over to look saying, "mommy see, mommy see". He'd look up at me with this expectant look with his mouth wide open like "look what I did" and I'd tell him what a lovely picture he colored. After dinner, we played a little bit and then it was time for bed. We spent the next couple hours with our life group. I made a red velvet cake with vanilla frosting as we rotate on treats. We even had leftovers. Today we were talking about the story of Zaccheus and the transformation that came out of his relationship with Jesus. Being a chief tax collector, it was an incredible thing for him to give away half of his possessions to the poor. It shows a heart that desires to please God; a heart becoming so filled with God's goodness that he has less desire for the things of this world. Possessions are just possessions. This is a theme similar to one we talked about in my MOPS group. I was struck then too about how much stuff I hold onto and really having a desire to go through our possessions asking the question, how can we fulfill someone's need? What can I give to bless someone? I really want to take some time and do that. Mindfully unload as a love offering to God. This blog will help hold me to that!

It's now the fun part of the day where I get to relax and unwind. It's also late so sleep will be coming soon.

Mommy caught the stomach bug

Well, last night I woke up at 1:30 in the morning totally nauseous. I wasn't able to keep anything down as I got up about 4 times throughout the night. It really hit me hard. My husband was willing to stay home if I needed him to help with Julian but I wasn't running a fever so I told him I could do it. It's been a hard day. I have been in and out of the bathroom a lot so that's been no fun. I'm also very low energy and have a general nauseous feeling all the time. Julian seems to be over his bug though, which is an answer to prayer. His was short-lived. He's had no problems keeping his food down today and had a great appetite. Also lots of energy for play (and energy for crying a lot). He just goes through weird periods where I don't know what sets him off but he cries or whines.

Today I read 2Samuel 14. There wasn't a ton of action today other than between David and Joab. David's commander Joab was wanting to see Absalom return so he sent a woman to speak to David having prepared her in advance with what to say. David ended up guessing that she was sent by Joab so Joab came and pleaded to David. He ended up relenting and allowed Absalom to return from being banished but David would not see him.

We got a little time outside but I had a hard time translating what Julian was wanting. Out of the blue, he started to cry and it seemed like he wanted to go inside. Then he was asking for his blue chair so I brought that outside and he was pointing towards the house and crying so we went back inside. I didn't have much energy to keep going back and forth trying to figure it out.

We didn't go to the YMCA tonight and I took the night off from cooking. Daddy was playing with Julian for a while. They had a game of tag with golf going on and then chase and tickle. I love hearing Julian laugh like crazy. It's so cute. Then he was stacking some blocks and pretending it was a rocket ship taking off. I've never seen him do that. He's getting creative. I read him a couple books like his Dr. Suess ABC book. Then right before bed he wanted me to read it again. I'm not feeling all that much better and don't want to give this to anyone so I'm canceling going to my mom's group and bible study. I really want to get some good sleep tonight so I think I'll wrap up here.

Spending time outdoors

Julian was very clingy and whiny this morning. While I was trying to eat breakfast he kept asking to be up and when I said no he started crying. Then my computer was having problems and I was trying to figure out why and he wanted to be on my lap. When I didn't pick him up it set off another torrent of crying so daddy picked him up and let him look at a photo album of himself. He really enjoyed that and was laughing at some of the photos. He started up again after looking at the album so I gave him his nuk. Then when he calmed down I was able to get on the phone so I could get the computer fixed. He was whining and pulling at my leg so I put in the Elmo ABC video so he could practice his ABC's. After I was done we went outside for a bit and got some fresh air. It was so nice out and is supposed to get up to 60 today.

Today's reading was one of my favorites; Psalm 51. It starts out mentioning two of God's greatest attributes, unfailing love and great compassion. Within this psalm you can see the process of confession and restoration of intimacy with God. From the God of love and compassion, David was pleading for mercy. He asks to be cleansed (of his sin). It takes courage to bring our sin before God and humility for the desire to turn away from it. He says "cleanse me with hyssop" and hyssop in the old testament is connected to cleansing from sin. In verse 10, he says "create in me a pure heart, O God". Beth Moore shares that only God can do this, purify us. David was humbled, cleansed, renewed and restored. A good verse to refer to is Psalm 103:10. He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

In my other study, Women of the Bible, we are reading Hannah this week. Hannah was unable to conceive. She was deeply troubled over this, bitter and full of sorrow. She turned to the Lord; wept, prayed and made a vow that if the Lord brought her a son she would give him to God for all his days. When she left the place of worship, she was uplifted. This was just from being with the Lord and pouring her heart out to him. She was uplifted without knowing how her prayer would be answered.

After lunch, Julian was really excited about going outside. We ended up being outside for close to two hours. It was so nice out. I brought out his "popcorn" push toy and his golf club and he played with both. He really liked it when I hit the golf ball and he'd go run and get the ball. After playing a while we went for a walk in his car. We were getting near the park and I wanted to surprise him. I asked him if he wanted to go to the park and he got really excited lifting his hands in the air saying "park" and of course definitely wanted to go. We went on the swing but he wanted to get off right away when he saw the jungle gym. We climbed around on the jungle gym and I got some good pictures. He went down the slide with me a few times and then he met a couple girls that looked around 8 years old. One of them really took a liking to him. She played some patty cake and then gave him some high-fives. She wanted to take him down the slide and that was okay. As usual, he wasn't happy when it came time to leave but it was getting close to nap time so off we went.

Julian continues to be such a good sleeper, it is such a blessing. After his nap, we read some books and then I got dinner ready. During dinner he was practicing his ABC's again. Something like ABCD---H---LMNP--QRS--WXY-now I know, now I know. It is so cute I'll have to get a video of it. He wanted to go outside again and play but I told him we were going to the YMCA and he'd have some fun playing there. When we were leaving, I picked him up from the nursery and there was an Indian man picking up his son. His son is often there at the same time as Julian. The dad told me that he was in the room today and saw Julian. He said Julian does so well in the nursery. I told him how we've been going for over a year now so he is really familiar with everything. Then he said Julian kept bringing him toys and he was having him put Little People in a bus. I think he has a new friend, as Julian was following around the little boy and offering him crackers. He even tried to put one in the boy's mouth! He's not shy. Later at home he didn't fuss and was really good about picking out a book and going upstairs to get ready for bed. We ended up reading a couple books, his dad read one and then I read one. Today went so fast, it's nice to finally be winding down.

Spring is definitely in the air...

It turned out to be a beautiful day today. It is reminding me just how near spring really is. I can't wait to be spending more of our time outside and going with Julian to the parks.

Today I spent time in 1 Samuel 5-6. As a fulfillment of God's promise to David, the elders of Israel came together to acknowledge David being chosen by God to be their leader and they anointed him as king. He was 30 years old and had a 40 year reign. It says he became more and more powerful because the Lord God Almighty was with him. It seems there is always some time of battle going on and this time it was with the Philistines again. They came to attack and again David sought wisdom from the Lord asking if he should attack. The Lord said yes, that he would give them over to David. When they were successful, they brought out the ark of the covenant. There was celebration and dancing and singing.

After a doctor's appointment, Julian and I spent our time outside. He was busy with sidewalk chalk and pushing the shovel around while I used the ice chopper and chopped away at a heap of ice in our driveway. We went to return the chopper to our neighbor where we borrowed it and Julian ended up walking right into their house. They invited us in and they got to know Julian a little bit.

Julian got a package in the mail today so I waited until he got up from his nap to have him open it. He said "present?" and we pulled out a little Elmo from the package from my sister Amy's family. Right away he starts pressing its tummy saying "noise?" looking for Elmo to talk! I told him this one has no noise. So far every Elmo toy we have makes noise (we have 3 Elmo toys and a talking Elmo potty). So he's used to Elmo talking.

Before bedtime, we did a little coloring and playing with his music set. Since it's Friday daddy put him to bed and I got to hop on here early (at 8:00). Now I'll have a nice chunk of time to do some reading and relaxing.