A full day with the mom's group

Yesterday, J turned 23 months old. It is hard to believe in 1 month he'll be two!! He has grown and changed so much since he was a little baby. Lately, I've been revisiting in my mind how far the Lord has brought me in parenting. While going through my long span of anxiety/depression, just going across town or going somewhere to do shopping was almost overwhelming. It was like my brain just wouldn't work right (especially for directions) and the anxiety about all these new responsibilities and learning a different way of doing life was just confounding. Each time I have these memories I praise God for being healthy, so thankful for being healthy.

In the morning, we went to our Titus play group. It was the last one of the spring session. Over the summer, we won't have play group as often but it'll be at the park which will be fun. There was a great turn out so there was a huge variety of toys. I think that's why J only came up to me once saying "mommy play?" and taking my hand. He had lots to do and enjoyed himself with only a couple run ins with other kids. I was very disheartened when I found out he hit a little girl. One of the others moms was giving me reassurance as she's struggling with that too with her daughter and in her older daughter she's seen it pass. I just keep teaching him that hitting is not okay and not allowed. Afterward, several of us went out for lunch and went to McDonalds so the kids could play. After some play, we went to some local garage sales. I was able to find some good things for J at small prices. I was having so much fun that I didn't realize I'd completely missed my women's bible study and my babysitter until I was almost home. I caught up with my babysitter to apologize and will take her to lunch next week! Although I really enjoy the study, I wouldn't have traded the time with the moms. This was the reason I joined the Titus group, to befriend other moms and be able to do fun things with our children together.

In my devotional time, I read the last part of Luke 1. Elizabeth gives birth to John. As the baby was being named, Zechariah got his speech back and what's so encouraging is that he immediately began to speak praising God. That reminds me of David. Didn't lose an opportunity to thank the Lord. Neighbors and relatives were filled with awe about this special child. In Zechariah's song, he shares that his child will be a prophet. Zechariah shares God enacted this intricate plan because of his tender mercy. Beth Moore asks us to meditate on that and it warms my heart to do so. Just remembering things I've done that I've been forgiven for, how much he's healed me of; knowing he has compassion on me even when I've slipped and he forgives me is remarkable to me. What grace, what a gift. He also shares that John has been set apart since birth and God prepares him until he grew up and came into his power. Beth likens this to us as we also are set apart once we are spiritually reborn. We're prepared and equipped for what the Lord has for us to do.

We worked out again since we missed Monday (at the hymn sing). I've been sticking with the same workout. Since I love to read, I've been squeezing in some reading time during my workout. I am reading The Pastor's Wife about Sabina Wurmbrand. She and her husband started the organization the Voice of the Martyrs. It chronicles her life and time spent in prison during communism and World War II in Romania. Even though some of it is hard to read about, it is amazing to see this woman imprisoned for her faith yet continue to share, pray and sing of her love for the Lord. I can't even imagine it, but it is encouraging. This was also a day where I completely followed our eating program. Balanced meals, no snacks and nothing after 7pm.

I gave J a bath when we got home, then I dropped by the apartment of a mom in our group who just had a baby to give them a meal. They invited me in and we had a really nice time getting to know one another better. Their baby is so tiny. I just loved her little tiny feet! And to think J was once that size, since he was born at 6 pounds. Wow. Just precious.

This morning, we read a few of the new books L's coworker gave us for J. I read an animal counting book and after we were done, J picked it up and went through it by himself pointing to all the animals like I did and "counting" them with his few numbers he knows. Then we had toddler time at the library. I noticed J participated more in the songs and finger play. So cute as he "wagged his tail" and danced. We went to the Y and I got in my 3rd workout of the week. The running part was really hard. I couldn't stop watching the clock, but it was a good hard like I knew I was getting a good workout. It wasn't the greatest weather, but it was almost no-jacket and hazy/cloudy. Since it will probably rain this weekend, I picked up a sub so J and I could have a little picnic and play time at McKee Farms. J was pretty independent today running all over the place and climbing. We worked on counting today every time we walked up stairs. It's so cute to hear him mix up his numbers. He waved his hand and made contact with a couple girls. I couldn't tell if it was aggressive or playful, but either way I prefer he not do it and told him so.

I started Luke 2 today which tells of the birth of Jesus. It's interesting that the first ones to hear the news about the birth were the shepherds. It seems that God enjoyed revealing himself to common people. The shepherds spread the news and all who heard it were amazed, Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

We had a challenging time with J at dinner tonight. Instead of what I made, he wanted yogurt and I told him he could have yogurt after eating some of the meal first. He wouldn't let up. Finally, after he was crying and crying L took him up to his crib so he could calm down. After, he still wanted yogurt first so this time I let him have some and then he ate the meal. After dinner, he asked for "Y tales" which I've figured out means Veggie Tales. So we watched a part of an episode on God Made You Special. Since L put J to bed tonight, I have a little more time to unwind which is nice.

Oh how I love Jesus

Thursday was a really busy day, so I didn't get to blog about it until today. In the morning, we went to our Titus play group. There was a very small turnout, about 1/4 of the moms who usually come. Julian was so excited when they brought out the basketballs. It was very laid back.

When I got home I had just enough time to feed Julian, eat my own lunch and then my babysitter Dave came so I could go to my women's bible study. It is really a blessing to have this group, even though the faces are changing a lot. Some who used to come aren't anymore and then there are new people I don't know yet. This is one event I go to every week that is something I do for me. I really need the fellowship time with other women to recharge my batteries during the week. We discussed the Proverbs 31 woman. Many people felt the same that it is really hard not to feel down on yourself when you look at all the qualities of this woman. Strength, dignity, up when it's dark, wisdom, not idle, trustworthy. Bettye who leads the group suggested we pick one quality that we are weak in and begin to focus on that, bringing it to God in reflection and prayer seeing what actions we can start to take. I think one of mine would be to look at "she speaks with wisdom". I confess a struggle with what comes out of my mouth. Harshness of tone, sometimes bad words, critical words, words said out of impatience. These are all things I would like to invite the Lord in to bring change. Please pray that I commit to doing this! I also made a commitment in a past blog to take some time to go through my possessions and see what I can give to bless others. I haven't done that yet.

When I got home I took Julian to McKee Farms again, it was so beautiful outside! He had a little less energy today so he didn't do as much climbing. We spent more time on the swings and just walking around the kids area.

After Julian's nap we went to a Maundy Thursday service at our church. Our pastor shared that maundy actually comes from the Passover dinner that Jesus had with the disciples. He gave a new command, to love one another (John 13:34). Maundy is derived from that command. The service was beautiful. They had candles around the whole front of the church and stage area with really subdued light. The focus was on having communion and taking time to just be with the Lord. I was really touched and moved. Really just overwhelmed with a fresh remembrance of his grace & healing particularly from the long depression and time of despair I had after my son was born. This was a time I wanted to be rejoicing yet I was in the grip of depression and anxiety like nothing I had ever experienced before.(See post from Feb. 20.) My heart tonight was just filled with thanks for the sacrifice Jesus made for us, for me that set me free.

We had dinner at a place called Cafe Porte Alba, an authentic Italian restaurant. It was such a nice time. Our French friends from church invited us and his parents who were visiting from France treated us. Julian got restless at times so I'm glad I had his coloring book with crayons. Then our friend also took him to watch them cook the pizzas which they do right out in the open.

This was certainly a full day.

This morning, we went to the Verona library for our Toddler Time class. This was supposed to be the first day but because of an Easter egg hunt they weren't holding it but hadn't told us. We went to the YMCA instead and I had a great workout where I really pushed myself on the treadmill.

A good part of the afternoon was spent playing with a new set of (used) Hotwheels cars and trucks I found online. We also spent some time playing ball oustide.

The highlight of today was watching the second half of The Passion of the Christ (I went through the first part earlier). I like to watch it every year during holy week. It is so powerful. This movie makes what I read in the bible so real to me. I can't put into words the way it ministers to me seeing this and getting a fresh realization of the cost of my salvation. The agony and suffering and unfathomable love that brought Jesus to the cross. It also makes me think of the depths of my own sin, before I knew him and even now and how incredible it is to have all my sins washed away by his blood. By coming to him, repenting, and being restored. The song "Oh how I love Jesus" just popped into my head. It is so true!

I think I'll end on that note. We're going to visit my family this weekend for Easter which should be a really nice time with my sisters and nieces and nephews.

Active times and quiet times

I thank the Lord that he continues to give me direction in writing my blog. This has been a great place to chronicle not only the rich times spent with our son, but also sharing what the Lord has been doing in my life. It is great to be able to look back and see the different things being learned.

February has been moving so fast it's hard to believe Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Half of February has passed!

On Thursday, Julian and I spent the morning with our Titus mom's playgroup at our church. It's nice that after several months I'm moving beyond just acquaintance with a couple of the women there. One of these ladies is Eileen. She has an 11 month old son named Jackson. Jackson has beautiful blue eyes and for an 11 month old is pretty big. He outweighs Julian by about 5 pounds! Yet Julian is on the small side as far as the charts go. But they're getting to know one another as Eileen and I get to know one another more. We hung out and kept our eyes on our boys and watched them have fun. I notice Julian is getting a little more aggressive when it comes to sharing of the little small cars people bring. When he wants a turn he stands in front of their car or puts his hand on the steering wheel, something that makes the child at least a little upset. Sometimes he has to keep waiting but other times the mom's step in and let him have a turn. He's pretty good about playing with other kids it's just the cars right now that he gets uptight about.

As far as milestones go, when we have the chance we're starting to let Julian walk on his own and follow us instead of carrying him. Partly it's a help to us since he's getting so heavy to carry all over the place. He tends to wander a bit, sometimes lagging behind and sometimes going ahead. But it's been good to start this slowly and continue to let him learn the art of "staying" with mom and/or dad.

We had fun making "mug cake" together. (see Tracey's Kitchen blog for the recipe.) This is basically a small little cake that you make in a large mug using 3 minutes in the microwave. Julian was trying to eat it using a large wooden spoon so I traded him with a fork. He seemed to have more fun trying to feed me than eating himself so he'd get some on the fork for me, I'd eat it, then I'd get some on the fork for him and he'd eat it. It was yummy especially with a bit of whip cream on it.

Later we went out and played in the snow again. We only stayed out for about 1/2 hour or so. I can't wait until Julian likes sledding as we have a great little hill just outside our door. But so far it just scares him so we hang out and play in the snow and watch the cars go by. Things he likes to do.

When Julian got up from his nap I had the stereo on and he and I got into a little dancing together. He started the dancing going around in a little circle and I was imitating him but being a little goofy and he was laughing at me and I was laughing at him. This went on for a few minutes until we got tired. One of those sweet moments to cherish.

Then I asked Julian "painting?" and he ran for the basement stairs since we have all his art supplies in the basement. He ended up doing 2 wonderful finger paintings. I would ask him what color he'd want and he'd choose one and then we'd do another color and go on this way until the picture was full. I had daddy come down to see his beautiful artwork and we ooh'd and awe'd and then hung them up on the wall. I'm glad we've been doing these different activities to help with that "cabin fever" feeling.

I don't have as much to share for Friday. But one of the main highlights was my time alone with God. This time I studied from the book by Beth Moore called A Heart Like His which is about David. Most of the study comes from the books of Samuel and today we were in 1 Samuel 13. She wanted to share some of the background of David's life leading up to him being king and this section focused on Saul. Saul ends up being the disgraced king who is removed from his post because of his inability to follow the Lord. In this situation, Samuel had told Saul to wait 7 days for Samuel's return and they would then offer up a sacrifice for an impending battle. On the 7th day when Samuel hadn't arrived yet Saul went ahead and offered the sacrifice himself instead of waiting. He said later it was because the people were pressuring him to get it done. This was Saul's first "test" and he failed it. Just this little slip and the kingdom was no longer his. Samuel declared "your kingdom will not endure". So I asked myself, how many times do I have a situation that I'm waiting on, maybe it's something I've prayed about and prayed about and haven't really heard from the Lord and yet instead of continuing to wait I just move ahead and do what I think is best in my eyes, I put my stamp of OK on it when in fact I'm not really sure if that's what God is wanting. In general I know I'm not good at waiting. Yet it's in the waiting that sometimes God is wanting to teach me and train me that I end up missing out. There's another lesson to be pulled from this where Saul said part of his reason was he listened to others. This is another trap I can fall into is looking for others approval and OK instead of looking to the Lord and doing something even if others may not approve. If God is leading me in something, I don't want to shrink back and not do it because I was worried what others would think.

I have our old Sunrise Church songbook and took some time to sing and worship the Lord. Then I had a prayer on my heart that I asked the Lord. It was a prayer that the Lord would help me to flee temptation when it comes into my life. I know some of my main triggers (for having willpower in what I'm eating) or things that trigger anger or impatience and I believe God's word that he will help us out of temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. So my prayer is that I would flee instead of "flirt"!

Later in the afternoon Julian and I went to a new library for us, one in Verona. It was huge and had lots of things for kids (a castle, a fake grocery area, a train set, puzzles) and Julian and I moved from section to section playing in the various areas. He loved playing with the cash register in the grocery area and he also liked the trains. After that we went down the road for some ice cream before his afternoon nap.

Later in the evening we had our friends Mike and Cassie over for dinner and catching up. We had Indian curry chicken which Julian did surprisingly well with and had a really nice time sharing about what we've been doing in our lives.

In the Potter's hands...

I continue to be touched by what the Lord has been showing me over the last couple weeks. I sense that I'm in a growth period, like if I were a garden this is a period where the ground is being tilled and prepared so that new seeds being planted can grow healthy and strong. As God has impressed upon me just how much I've been forgiven for (as I mentioned in a past post), that's stayed in my mind and I've had things come up that I'd forgotten that the Lord has forgiven me for. What stands out about that is often those memories trigger shame and guilt, but now God's using those memories as a way of growing my thankfulness, and I'm noticing more freedom from the shame and guilt as I embrace real forgiveness. There are some things of my past that have been especially hard to feel forgiven about. So this is a huge area to see God helping me to grow in.

There's something else that has come up a few times now and that's verses that refer to the potter and the clay (Jeremiah 18:4 , Isaiah 64:8). Whenever I see or hear the same verse from a few different places I always take note that God is speaking something to me. It has me search my heart. When I first saw the verse and some commentary on it I liked how it talked about pressure being placed on the clay to mold it into place. How times in our life where we feel very uncomfortable or feel pressure are times to picture him molding us and shaping us which is causing us growing pains. When I saw this verse again the person had shared a prayer that the Lord would give us grace to bend and mercy when it hurts. Seeing this prayer and taking some time to really think about it brought the question am I really open to God molding me? I thought about some areas I'm struggling in right now and can see where I'm resisting being molded by him and instead wanting to keep my "old shape" instead. I pray for the grace to allow him into those areas even though it invites discomfort and even some pain. These potter verses have given me the courage to let him dig deeper into that garden of my life that it would produce fruit in these areas I have to keep surrendering to him. I have sensed the Lord showing me he is beginning redemptive work in me in some of the areas of past forgiven sin that only now am I ready to do. For he wants to redeem those areas as another part of my healing from the past.

Yesterday Julian and I had a pretty quiet day on our own. We made a quick trip to the grocery store in the morning and then out to the YMCA before lunch and other than that we were hanging out inside. I happened to open the front door to check if a package had come and Julian came to take a look outside. Being a cold day, the storm windows filled up with steam from the warm air of our oven from baking muffins. We were soon "finger painting" in the steam and taking turns one after another to make our little squiggles and blotches. It's amazing how something small like this can capture my son's attention and be so much fun.

On a friend's blog we found some fire truck videos and Julian just loved watching them drive around and around sirens and all. We watched them a few times and still I don't think he was tired of them. A little milestone is I've noticed he's finally using the duplos to build small towers, which is something he's never done. He liked handing them to me so I'd put them together and then he'd tear them apart. He also likes it when I build something and then he'd knock it over. So the building part is new. He's also taken an interest in the bristle blocks he got for Christmas and had them all over the living room in various Julian designs.

There's something about those Little People that Julian just loves. We keep finding them in different places around the house. Usually they're just behind things in our living room or in the hallway far away from his toy bins. But we really got a chuckle when we found his boots in the back hallway and inside each boot he had stuffed one of his Little People. It's something silly like that which touches my heart. It's just so cute.

Today we went to our MOPS group and the muffins I made actually worked out. I've never made them before so I wasn't quite sure how they'd turn out. I'd only had them at my baby shower. The recipe is on my Tracey's Kitchen blog that you can get to from the link on this site. Julian did really well in the nursery which was great since last week he had a hard time. We had just a nice relaxing afternoon watching PBS and hanging out together. We did a little finger painting and then played with his little music kit Julian banging on the drums and me playing the tambourine.

Now I need to go and get some rest since tomorrow will be a full day. Play group at Blackhawk Church at 9am, my women's bible study at 1pm and then Mom's Nite Out at Blackhawk where we are doing a soup swap. More on those things later I'm sure.