Two firsts for J....Farmer's Market and Fireworks

Today we got an early start leaving at 8:15am heading over to our friend's house. We made plans to go to the Madison Farmer's Market together. Right away, J wanted to play outside and we found their new swing. It was connected to some really tall trees so as J was swinging he'd say, "I'm swinging in the trees momma". I was worried he'd slip off but he had a good grip on the swing. We went on the trampoline next and J loved it when I'd chase him from outside and grab him through the net.

We finally set off for downtown and the capital square. I was so glad I remembered his stroller. Our last time downtown at the concert on the square I forgot it and because of the crowds we had to carry him the whole time. We stopped to hear an acoustic country-bluesy band and Susan took a dance around with J. We then walked around the square looking at all the farmer's booths. I got some really fresh sugar snap peas and a small loaf of chocolate zucchini bread. J started saying "revolving door mommy?" which was from concerts on the square when he went through his first revolving door. So we took a walk through the capital and he got to go through the doors several times. Before leaving, we stayed to watch the band again and this time I gave J an egg shaker they had for the audience and he shook it and danced and got really into it.

After the market, we went back to Susan's for lunch. J had just shared a banana strawberry smoothie with me so I think that's why he only ate a little bit of cheese, bite of pickle and some chips (and of course some cupcake for dessert). I had a wonderful lemonade and mint blender drink Susan made. It was really refreshing. I love mint. Susan's husband John read J a Dr. Suess book. That was cute. Then Susan read him a book. It's great to see him getting comfortable with family and friends.

During my devotional time, I continued in Luke 22 where Jesus is praying in the garden of Gethsemane and says in verse 42: Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. Beth says this request of Jesus to the father should make us catch our breath. At this point, Christ could've walked away from the cross. He was overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. I had to stop and think about that - sorrow that brings you to the point of death? Wow. He was enduring more stress and grief than the body was meant to handle. Dear sweet Jesus, do not let us forget. You who submitted completely to the cross on our behalf. All you had to do was call upon legions of angels and you would have been rescued. After this, we read about Judas and his betrayal of Jesus. Betrayal is bad enough, but to betray him with a kiss? Verse 47 and 48: He approached Jesus to kiss him, 48but Jesus asked him, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" Beth shares that few things rend the heart like betrayal. Unfortunately, I have known that experience of betrayal. The pain goes so deep! When you have trusted someone so deeply and they turn on you, it is crushing. It just tears you up.


We decided to go downtown to the UW Terrace to watch Madison's biggest fireworks show which you can see from there. I showed J fireworks on the computer and was talking it up so he was pretty excited. We ate dinner at Chipotle and J was in a happy mood dancing in the booth and being affectionate with me.

We got to the Terrace and set up our chairs by the lake. The weather was perfect. It had been a warmer day so the night stayed fairly warm but with a good breeze which kept the bugs away. J got busy playing with his little people and cars. Then I read him a book. I looked up and saw my friend Carolina with her boys so they joined us to watch the show. Her son Steffano just loves J. Pretty soon they were chasing each other around and Steffano was tickling J. Even after the fireworks started, J was more interested in playing with him than watching. He'd have me pick him up here and there but then I'd put him down and off he'd go on the chase. The bad part of the night was when we were packing up and J sat in his chair and it fell backward and he hit his head. He was crying fiercely and ended up with a mini goose egg. This is like the third time this has happened with that chair so I have to contact them about it. Once he calmed down, we all left together to walk back to the car. J let me ice it once we got home and then he insisted on cleaning up his bristle blocks (which he had dumped on the floor before we left). He sang the Barney clean up song and asked me for help.

Found out I can still golf

(Saturday)
As we've continued on "vacation" it's been hard to keep track of the days. I'm so used to L being at work that when he's home it always feels like the weekend. Our sitter Dave came over to babysit/house sit. J was down for a nap while we were going golfing! Wow, it's been probably close to 3 years since I've played a game of golf. Since L and I married in 2002 we'd been going several times over the summer but being pregnant and then my rough 18 months after golf was on the way back burner. We went with a friend from L's work (Barb) and her boyfriend's son who is 13 and played only a couple times. This helped me to feel more comfortable, having someone who is learning. I realized I am better than I thought. I had a few holes that were really bad (stopped keeping track of my score) but some that went well. I forgot how wonderful it is to be out in the fresh air getting a little exercise and outdoor enjoyment.

We invited Dave out to lunch but he passed, so we went to a late afternoon lunch with J to Culver's and then stopped at the library. J went pretty much straight to the train set. I got some good books on shapes, colors and ABC's. I don't remember exactly when he said it but today was the first time J said "I love you mommy". Oh, does that make my heart melt. It was so special!

We heard about Jazz Fest at Lake Wingra which is nearby so we headed out there a little after 7:30 only to find it was over. Instead, we headed downtown to the Terrace to enjoy the evening.

Some of the highlights were:
Watching the "sax man", a State Street musician playing the saxophone who we stopped and listened to for a bit;

Running into an old friend from church and J playing with his 8 year old son around a water sculpture.

Watching J make his own performance debut on State Street by dancing to Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire played by David, another State Street musician. Several people came up to watch him and really got a kick out of him. Someone even took a picture. Here's a link to the video.

Why Forgive?

J started out the day fine but then started crying while waiting for breakfast. Kept wanting me to pick him up. Maybe he was just super hungry because he was okay once he had his pancakes. He wanted to play downstairs in our art area. Did some coloring with crayons and then washable markers. He took his picture and said "hang it up" so I put it on the wall like we do with his finger paintings. I have to watch him carefully now when he's coloring since he's started to try coloring other things like the table, the wall. I also set up the mini trampoline and he had fun jumping, but then he started coloring on there too until I caught him.

Today in my devotional time, Beth moves past chapter 14 and started Luke 15. "Lost and found things." It's amazing, Beth says, that the creator of the universe pursues us. She refers to Luke 19:10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost. In this chapter is the story of the prodigal son. He left his father with his fortune and squandered everything then became destitute and took care of pigs. He went home thinking he could be a servant to his father and it would be better than his lot. When his father saw him coming, instead of turning his back on him, he RAN to him. This is a mirror for our relationship to God. He yearns for us to return when we stray from him and he welcomes us back with open arms. How can we resist such lavish love? says Beth. Because of our wonderful God, the prodigal can say "I once was lost, but now am found."

The forecast called for more rain but it ended up being really nice out so we packed a lunch and headed down to the UW Terrace again. There was some bike marathon going on so traffic was just horrible. We probably wasted a half hour. Then we maybe spent a half hour there on the terrace. We had our lunch and then J and I went on the giant terrace chair. Soon after, the weather started to change drastically. It got super dark so we decided to head out. It started raining soon after we got in the car. J didn't go down very well for his afternoon nap. This was after he got a shorter nap in the morning because he cried off and on. I went in to check on him and he dropped his blankie and nuk so I got those, then he was asking to watch a video. I asked if he could lay back to sleep and he said okay and lay down. I was surprised he did that! He did start to cry a bit and kept going but then finally dropped off.

Today was the last sermon in our Forgiveness series. It was on "Why Forgive?" Since people hurt us all the time, what should be our response? As those who profess to follow Christ, we need to forgive. A couple stories were shared about incredible instances of forgiveness, where it was amazing they were able to forgive the person who hurt them. He brought in Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. These are often feelings that we harbor within us when we are unable to forgive. He said forgiveness is really messy because of the hurt in our lives and others. To have forgiveness as a way of life he said we first do not ignore that it happened. Whenever there is a serious infarction against us, there is a debt owed. We can remember how Jesus paid our debt on the cross and we are to then let it go. It is hardest to do this when the person is unrepentant, yet that is what we are called to do. Our burden (of unforgiveness) that eats away at us is lifted. We were invited to come to the front of the church and take a handful of dirt and drop it in a pail which was symbolic of letting go of unforgiveness. I think this was a good way to visualize really letting go.

After church, we went out to dinner with our life group friends and their kids. After J ate, he played a run and hide game with us as the adults got to hang out and catch up. J would come and peek around the corner and I'd jump in my seat and he'd run away squealing, or he'd peek up at us from another booth and squeal with delight when we responded.

Wrapping up from the holiday weekend

(Monday) Another lazy morning! Somehow it flew from 7:30am when I was thinking of getting up to 9am. Whoa! J was just quietly chatting in his room. We had a nice morning together with daddy not having to go into work. J's favorite toy has now become his little Thomas trains. I let J watch Elmo and the Firehouse and when Elmo got to wear a fire helmet I gave J his helmet and he was wearing it while he watched. He didn't sleep at all during his morning nap. He went down and was chatting away and then 45 minutes later was still going. He didn't howl or complain at all but I thought I'd get him. I was outside his door and I heard him singing. It sounded a bit like the tune from twinkle twinkle. I quick called L so he could listen and we both stood out there laughing before we went in. It was so cute.

I started Luke 11 during my devotional time. Beth stops to encourage us that God has a specific purpose for this study in our lives. We're about 3/4 of the way through. Jesus teaches on prayer after his disciples ask him how to pray. He teaches us in a simple way to talk to our Father, asking for our daily bread (our daily needs), to forgive our sins and protect us from being tempted to sin. Then he tells a story to illustrate the need for boldness in our prayers. He says, verse 9 So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. It is a reminder that God is ready and waiting to respond to us.

We went to the UW Terrace in downtown Madison and packed a lunch. J sat at the table playing with his Thomas trains while daddy and I caught up on some reading. We had a great view of the lake and there was a slight breeze. Very warm but nice in the shade. We were visited by a pair of ducks which was fun for J since I gave him some bread to feed them. Later, J and I went inside and he was enthralled by their big fish tank. He got really animated when there was another little boy just about his age watching them with him, pointing to the different fish and naming their colors.

I got another night off from cooking and we just had leftovers. Later, we played outside. I don't know why, but J wanted to bring his Elmo shape sorter outside to play with. We said hi to our neighbor Bill when he drove by. Then J kept saying hi and Bill had to go in and J was making a sad face. J wanted daddy to play so we went inside to get him and we all played together. Daddy and I were rolling the ball and playing tag by trying to touch J. He loved it when I pushed him around on his little truck. It was hard to get him to go inside. Sometimes J is really antsy when I'm trying to get his PJ's on. He starts kicking and trying to roll over and he won't stay still. When I notice I'm getting really frustrated and he won't listen, I've started a new thing of tickling him, telling him "tickle mommy" is going to come out. Then I tickle him like crazy and he can't stop laughing. It eases my tension and usually wears him out a bit so I can get his PJ's on.

(Tuesday) This morning we did our grocery shopping. J was a bit cranky which is unusual for shopping. He kept wanting to hold things and when I let him he threw it on the ground so I told him no more. Then he was pouting/crying/whining all at the same time. He would say "I want home" or "I want to walk" (since he'd really love to get out of the cart).

In my devotional time, I continued in Luke 11. Here again, Jesus is healing someone by driving out a demon. some of them accused him of working with Satan (what a joke!) the prince of demons. Jesus rightly replies how this makes no sense - if he was working for Satan he'd do Satan's work. He wouldn't be divided against him and heal someone (from verse 18: If Satan is divided against himself, how can his kingdom stand? He then tells a story about a strong man which Beth says is describing Satan. She wants us to not forget that yes, Satan is strong. We are no match for him. He will try to tempt us in so many ways so that we are pulled away from growing closer to Jesus. But he is no match for God. And the Lord will restore what Satan takes from us. This made me think about my depression. Things were so dark and I now know first hand what it's like for Satan to torment you. I had to fight so many horrible thoughts that I know the Lord didn't place in my head. But even when I struggled just to pray and sometimes couldn't even pray, never did the Lord let me go. I didn't know it at the time while struggling, I couldn't "feel" the Lord's presence and didn't feel any connection, but after I recovered I saw that each and every day through that time the Lord upheld me. It is truly like that Footprints in the Sand poem. (See link).

Around lunch time, J was saying "I want to worship" so I put in his kids worship CD and he was moving along to the music. He was saying "the birds are singing" and I could hear them outside and told him that yes, they were. Then he said "sing to Jesus" and so I said yes, let's sing to Jesus. He was really animated.

After that we just played inside for a while, as I kept asking if he'd like to go outside and he'd say no. Then later he was ready so we played in the sandbox for the first time. I think he really liked it. We created a little game where I would fill up one of his toys that is like a mold (a fish, train, sandcastle) and I'd uncover it and say "ta da" and his job would be to smoosh it down. Then he'd say "again?" and we'd start all over. Then I got some of his little cars to play in the sand and a digger. He had a lot of fun making car/truck noises and pushing them through the sand. I got out a couple times to take his picture and he got upset saying "mommy in the sandbox?".

We stopped at the library to drop off some books and during our ride he somehow brought up PalZone which is the play group we go to on Wednesdays. Well, tomorrow is a special PalZone day where we meet at the zoo and have pizza so I was telling him all about it. Then he'd say "again" and wanted me to repeat it over and over while he'd name all the animals we'd see like saying monkeys-ooh ooh, lion-roar.
Later, I heard him reading to himself and kept hearing him say some word over and over. It turns out he was looking at a fire truck book with lots of firemen on every page and he was saying helmet, helmet, while pointing to each one.

He ate the dinner I made which isn't often the case. He likes rice & ate a little pork chop. After dinner, he said he wants to read the Jesus book. I wasn't sure which one he was talking about and then he pointed to his children's bible. So I found the story of Jesus teaching at the temple when he was a young man. I had to clean up after that and I heard J "reading" and he'd say Jesus about every other word as he went.

We usually have our life group but it was canceled tonight so we took a nice family walk. J saw the park and started asking to go and I was glad we still had some light left. We did the slide and swings. He still wants me with him on the slide which I enjoy, but continue to encourage him to try it. At bedtime, I always have prayer time and tonight J says "pray for so and so?" and started saying all these names of our friends and their kids. So we had several people we prayed for.

Marriage as ministry

On Saturday morning, we were going to go to the Farmer's Market which is held at the capitol square in Madison. It was the first one of the season. It was also the day of the Spring Badger football game so we decided parking would be too nuts and we'll take a raincheck. Instead, we planned for breakfast at Einstein's bagels and then a walk in the UW Arboretum. We hit the bagel shop and had my old standby the turkey sausage bagel with egg and neighborhood blend coffee. It was like a trip down memory lane. Back in our no-child days, we used to hang out several mornings a week at Einstein's with our coffee and bagel sandwiches and have our devotional time together. That's when he was working 2nd shift and I started around 10:30am while I was still working. What a different season of life! Anyhow, we didn't make it to the Arboretum since we really wanted to make sure J got a nap in before we headed out to our friend's place in the afternoon. He's been having too many meltdowns if he doesn't get that second nap.

After lunch, we headed to Black Earth where the town was having a weekend of garage sales. Our friend has 8 kids and her husband was taking 3 of them to the Badger game so we came to help with the garage sale. It was great catching up with her. We used to go to church together until we left that church around 2006. The kids had an even greater time playing in the yard and with all the riding toys. Daddy and J played some kiddie basketball. He just loves basketball. It was cute watching him try to throw the ball high. Later at home while J napped, I made a dessert for a BBQ our friends from our small group were having. It was a sunny day but the breeze made it feel cooler in the 50's. J had the most fun playing with all the balls they had (tennis, golf, basketball, soccer). He was in ball heaven. Our friends from the small group got to spend time playing with him too. That was nice. I had fun trying to teach the kids to whistle through an acorn top, which was something I learned as a kid. Their son was able to do it but the girls will have to keep trying. You have to have your thumbs in just the right V shape. After dinner, we all sat in front of a warm fire and talked and played Pictionary. It was a late one for J.

This morning was a nice and lazy morning since there was no peep from J until after 8am. While he napped, my intent was to have a devotional time but I couldn't keep my eyes open. These last few nights I was up late. Friday night I was making J's birthday invitations online until 1am and then last night it was 12:30pm. I really have to be more disciplined about going to bed before 11pm. Otherwise, I can't make it all day!

We packed a nice lunch again and had a nice afternoon at the UW Terrace. I had to feed J before we left though since he was too hungry. A couple ducks were hanging around so I let J throw them some bread. They were less than a foot away! I wish I had my camera. J and I took a nice long walk along the lake shore and it was so nice. A highlight was J wanting to go up and down the stairs several times with me holding his hand and him standing up (usually he'd crawl up stairs). He didn't want to go back to our table so it took a lot of coaxing.

We had church and then grabbed a bite for dinner with our friends and their kids. Their girls are so good with J. They pick him up, follow him around and are so gentle with him. He loves all the attention I'm sure. After that, we had groceries to do and it was time for J to go to bed. No bath night since it got too late. That'll have to be tomorrow. J had a lot of crying out of the blue today. He had a good morning nap but because of church he didn't get the afternoon one. He usually has a longer no-whine threshold, but not today.

After putting J to bed, I still had a lot of little things to do around the house. I had a kind of grumbly spirit too. And I grumbled to hubby (L) about a few different things that were annoying me. Then I had this thought come into my head, do you see how selfish you are? Most of what I was grumbling about were things that inconvenience me and aren't the way I like them. I had to ask myself, are those things really worth making a deal about? I said to myself, what happened to picking your battles? One of the things it made me think back to was when L and I talked about looking at our marriage as ministry. At times that's like oil and water! Yet it was such a good reminder to me that what I'm striving for is to respect and honor him and be a blessing to him and not the opposite. A good thought to sleep on.

Our first visit to the terrace

Since I'm done with my study of David, yesterday I read from a magazine called "In Touch" which is by gifted preacher/teacher Charles Stanley. They have a monthly devotional you can follow. Today's verse was Jeremiah 9:23-24. (Verse 24: ...but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight," declares the LORD. Charles shares knowing and understanding the Lord as our most worthy pursuit versus the pursuit of wealth, career success, the perfect marriage, being loved or admired. This is a lifelong pursuit. This was good to think about and be honest, what are my important pursuits and how does the Lord rate in that. I see how this wavers from week to week and other pursuits can crowd out God. My prayer is to continue to grow closer to him and I see how he gives me more of himself the more that I'm willing to sacrifice and give to him.

When Julian got up from his nap, we decided since it was such a beautiful day we'd make our first trip of the year to the student union and hang out at one of our favorite places, the union terrace, an outdoor patio on the lakefront. We packed a full lunch and had a wonderful afternoon hanging out there. Julian was a bit antsy to just sit so I let him down and he did pretty well just hanging out around our table area. Then he said "come here mommy" and grabbed my hand pulling me toward the lake area. He said he wanted to go swimming! We haven't been swimming yet, but I've been talking about it as we'll be taking lessons at the Y at the end of the month. There was a big digger (backhoe) in a roped off area so we visited that. He loved it. Then we went by the lake shore and enjoyed watching the ducks and dogs and people coming by.

We had a good sermon at church that stands out to me partly because I'm a visual learner. We're going through Luke and this was after Jesus was resurrected and is revealing himself to his followers. He ends up walking with two of the disciples who were talking about him but couldn't see it was him. They were blinded. Just as they were blinded in their understanding of what Jesus came to do. This is when Tim who was teaching put on a blindfold to share the next part of the sermon. Their thought was that he came to start a military revolution to overtake Rome, and that his death ended their hopes of freedom. They were blinded to his real intent that he came to "seek and save the lost", humanity, and it would only be fulfilled in his death and rising again.

After dinner, it was bath time. I didn't realize how much time went by because we were having so much fun. We were both coloring the sides of the tub and shower with the water crayons for most of the time and making words with his stick-on ABC's. He still doesn't like getting his head wet but that part goes fast. I finally laid him down after 9pm and he normally goes down at 8pm.

Today, in reading A Place of Quiet Rest I finished the chapter on "The Inner Life" where it talks about the purposes of a quiet time being purification, restoration, communion, instruction. She had some really good questions at the end of the chapter. One of them was to record a time when God used his word to cleanse your heart, restore your soul or teach you something of his ways. My example came from a time recently I got upset with a friend for not fulfilling a commitment to me but instead doing something which I thought was selfish. I was very upset and did not hold back my anger and basically told her off and hung up on her. After I calmed down, I happened upon a proverb I wrote down before, Proverbs 29:11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. I felt very bad about the way I had treated my friend and it weighed so heavy on me. It was at this time I remembered a blog I read about not allowing bitterness to ruin a relationship and how bitterness acts like a poison in your system. I called my friend and apologized and felt the load lift from me. A good example of the teaching from his word.

After daddy left for work, Julian really wanted to play outside. We hung out for a while and then he enjoyed some time playing in the car, pressing buttons, pretending he was driving. Then we played downstairs in the art area. He colored with markers and crayons while I refined my sketches of Elmo. Today's Elmo was pretty good. I'm hoping this will come in handy if I decide to make an Elmo cake for his birthday (coming up in May). He also made played with Playdoh and then it was time for his nap. Later, we got a call from a friend of ours who is from India but is visiting the states for a few months. He is a gifted pastoral teacher who built an organization in India that is like seminary and vocational training for pastors and lay people but it stays true to the Indian culture. We visited on a mission trip in 2002 and then my husband went back in 2008 while I was pregnant. We hope to be able to see our friend and his wife during their stay.

Today I continued in the In Touch devotional on 2Corinthians 8:9. The chapter is about God's grace. Grace can be defined as God's undeserved goodness and kindness towards us. It works somewhat like this. We have an experience of God's grace, maybe healing from some hurt in our past for example and we have a response of an overflow of joy and out of that comes generosity in giving, giving of ourselves, our possessions, our finances. The bible uses the phrase "the grace of giving". The focus in this chapter is on Jesus; how he left the riches of heaven and came to earth that we might share in the riches of his home. When we come to him and ask him to be Lord, our old self "dies" and our "new" self becomes eternal and includes all the treasures of heaven.

After lunch, Julian was "reading" a few books to himself. I got one of them on video. It was about a digger and he's say digger about every 3rd word. Then he brought a book to me which I thought was to read but he left and came back with his hat on and said "king farms" - which is his way of saying McKee Farms, a park we go to. His hat was on funny, I just couldn't stop laughing. This was so cute. Since it was raining, we didn't go to the park. We did run some errands though.

Julian didn't sleep very long for his afternoon nap. He was calling me really loudly and when I got him he said "game" and had thrown his nuk and blankie on the floor. He wanted me to get them and this started a game of fetch and throw. It made him laugh like crazy. After our fun, I had to get dinner prepared. Julian ended up playing with his duplos. He hasn't played with them in a while and he had all sorts of little towers he made and he gave me one.

We went to the Y and I made it through my workout. Earlier in the day, I was not feeling up to going at all but I'm glad that ended up changing. Now it's 10pm and that's my goal for getting things wrapped up so I have a little "me" time.