Wired for relationship

Daddy had the day off today and again J slept late. I got up a little after 9am to shower and daddy was just getting him up when I was done. He was reading his little bible to him, it was so cute watching J sitting on daddy's lap pointing to things or asking questions. He was "reading" the Dr. Suess book called Are You My Mother? I loved watching him and following along as he went through each animal the bird talks to and he would say "Are you my mother, kitty? No! Are you my mother, dog? No! etc. until he made it to the end. This morning it was play, play play. He got out his dinosaurs, flash cards, digger trucks, fire trucks and had things all over the room. Later, we put in a music DVD called "Raffi" who does music for children. A lady at the library who watches kids recommended it. J wanted me to hold him and dance. We had fun listening. Then I found a video on You Tube called "Slippery Fish" that we sing at the place I take him called Pal Zone. We had fun singing that together.

We had lunch and then we all went to the library. After picking up some things and getting my holds, we were looking for daddy. J says "daddy, where are you?" "daddy, come here." Then we found him. We went across town to the library L really likes and J wanted to play in the castle. Once home, it was time for his nap. I can say we've officially moved to one nap a day now. On vacation last week, J took one morning nap (he actually told me he needed it) but otherwise he's okay if I just put him down in the afternoon. Now that he's only doing one a day though, he's sleeping for 2-1/2 to 3 hours. Sometimes I have to wake him up for dinner because he's still sleeping. The downtime is nice in the afternoon, although I do miss that morning nap time!

For my quiet time today, I listened to the sermon that we missed yesterday since we were on the road from Chicago to Madison. It is a new series called "Wired for Relationship". He started out sharing that what we desire are relationships where people really know you. So often we are in places were we are together with people (sometimes many people) yet we are really alone. We don't KNOW those people. Yet we are wired for relationship. Deep relationships are really hard to find. He read from Genesis 2:7 The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. We were created in the image of God, created to reflect his image to the world around us. Then God created a companion for man. He shares how the "perfect" relationship was broken by the choice made to trust in man's wisdom and not God's. As a result, our relationships became distorted. Our priority as Christ followers is to cultivate healthy, growing relationships. They take time, patience and lots of attention. He shared how today's culture with all its technology and ability to text and write others on Facebook has broken down the path to intimate relationships. The question to keep asking ourselves is, "Is the way I'm using it (technology) healthy? Does it foster relationship? We were challenged to open up time to spend with others who inspire us or challenge us to grow in following Christ. We were also asked to look at what things we could change or do to make more time for important relationships. One thing that's opened up in my life is meeting one on one with a fellow Christian friend who wants to create an accountability relationship. Where we can share our struggles, confess, pray for one another and enjoy fellowship. We've met one time so far and we are meeting tomorrow night. I look forward to seeing how this relationship develops.

Tonight, dinner was really low key since it was mom's night out for my Titus group. I took J out of his feeding chair and he's standing up saying "I'm dancing. I'm getting my exercise." This was so cute because I had been telling him how Daddy would be taking him to the Y so he could work out. I was explaining that I wouldn't be there since I would be meeting with the Titus moms. He kept saying he wanted to go with me in my car. I went to kiss him goodbye and he got upset and started crying. I picked him up and brought him out to daddy's car talking all the way and he calmed down. Daddy said he did really well and they played for a bit once they got home. Our mom's night out was at our church building. We had game night. Seven of us ending up showing up so it's a very small turn out for our group which has more than 75 people. Yet it was also nice to just have our small group too. We played Cranium which I hadn't played before. It was pretty fun. I seemed to do well with the spelling questions and when I had to hum a tune for my partner to guess. Our team won. Then we played a round of Rummikub which is a game I played as a kid but had almost no memory of it. I guess it's along the lines of Rummy. This was a fun game too. I'm glad that I went.

photo credit: Blackhawk Church

Taking some time to myself (among other things)

(Wednesday)
Maybe this is a new phase, but this morning J again didn't want me to read to him even when I offered, but wanted me to read aloud a book he picked out while he was reading one. If I was quiet, he'd say "mommy, read it" wanting me to keep going.

Then it was nap time for J. I had put off for too long various things that needed to be done around the house and I can't believe how much I got done today! It felt so good to see the results afterward. It was the kind of cleaning I don't have a huge block of time for very often but today J took a 3-1/2 hour nap (from 11:30-3pm)!!! I checked in on him a couple times and he didn't hear me or stir at all. I just kept cleaning until he woke up.
Here is my exciting list:
-cleaned our bedroom getting to areas that hadn't seen a vacuum in ages
-cleaned J's room
-scoured sinks
-reorganized and cleaned up toy area
-hung painting that had been my mom's which was sitting in living room for past couple months
-swept/mopped floors
-load of laundry
-vacuumed living room, stairs, upstairs bedrooms

In my time with the Lord today the reading was Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. It was probably 3 or so months ago in a time of challenge with J that I remember thinking, I am training J. Every day by what I say, what I don't say, what I do, he is watching me and absorbing more from me than I know, both the bad and the good. It reminds me to stop myself in those hard moments and ask, how am I training him? To be patient or impatient? Loving or angry? Gentle or harsh? And then ask for a fresh supply from the Lord to train him in the way he should go. Beth shares how this verse to the ancient Hebrew was one of the sternest commands of God. Paul described himself in Phillipians 3:5 as a "Hebrew of Hebrews" meaning nothing but Hebrew influence touched him in his early childhood. Paul was raised a Pharisee which at the time represented some of the noblest traditions of the Hebrews. For the parents, living a godly life was the most important of all. By the time Paul was 13, he would have assumed all the responsibilities of the adult Jew and was considered a man. He had done much memorization of God's word; the law of the Lord was his life. This is so good to be reading about how Paul was being raised. "Living a godly life" as his parents were committed to doing is so important to me to strive for as I know most of what J learns is from my actions, not what I say. I want my life to teach him my love for the Lord.

We had gotten Jungle Book the movie and J liked this part where the elephants go marching. He had me play it again and again. After his nap, he wanted to do a flip off my lap. I don't know when I taught him how to do this but he sits on my lap facing me and while I hold his hands he leans back and flips. He's so proud of himself too. "I flipped mommy!" he'll say.

Tonight was my solo night out. Our area library was showing The Blind Side with free popcorn. L wasn't that interested in it so he watched J while I got to see a movie, a rarity. It was really good, like I'd heard. It was so nice to take a night away. This was reinforced by a blog I found where she encourages mothers to take some time to themselves (she's addressing homeschooling mothers).

Here's the excerpt taken from a post on The Flourishing Mother:
For a mother to allow herself a bit of leisure to rest and refresh herself by exploring her own interests, to find a little time for herself, especially when so many others depend on her, is a what Karen calls, Mother Culture ®.

When a busy homeschooling mother takes part in Mother Culture she safeguards her enthusiasm, so she will be better able to cope with her responsibilities. To partake in Mother Culture is to feed herself with the Word of God, with ideas from books, nature, art, music, etc., thus taking care to keep growing spiritually and mentally. If there such is a thing as the joy of childhood, there is also such a thing as the joy of motherhood, and Karen admonishes mothers to recognize and live within such a blessing.

L said J wanted to see the elephants of Jungle book over and over and then they went for a walk and played outside before bedtime.

(Thursday)
This morning our Titus's mom's group got together in our church gym for play group. We canceled being at the park since it was raining. There were only a handful of moms that came. J liked playing in a little tent they had set up. He played with cars and little people. He had trouble keeping his hands to himself (trying to hit) so I had to correct and then finally a time out when he hit a little girl. It's like he has this little space bubble and if someone gets too close to what he's doing, he reaches out to push them away or hit. Two of the moms were sharing with me they have the same struggle they're working through with their kids. Time outs seem to help a bit, but not completely.

On our way home, J asked to go to McDonald's. He hasn't done that before. There was one near our way home with a playland so we stopped there. I was worried he'd get stuck at the top in the playland but he was able to climb back down when he went to the top. Then he wanted my help to go up the other side and some kids at the top were crowding around him saying "hi cutie, cute little baby" and it got a little much for him.

Today in my devotional time I read Acts 22:3 At the Feet of Gamaliel Then Paul said: "I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city. Under Gamaliel I was thoroughly trained in the law of our fathers and was just as zealous for God as any of you are today. Paul's father sent him to Jerusalem to continue his Jewish education. Gamaliel was highly esteemed (and Beth says he still is today) and was a remarkable teacher. Beth shares Paul's words from 1Corinthians 8:1-3 how "knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." The man who loves God is known by God. She encourages us to study God's word not to gain knowledge, but to increase our love for God. I only earnestly began to study God's word as I was coming to the Lord between age 25-30. It was when I turned 30 that I found a small church group where I met with a couple individuals including the pastor's wife and I learned how to study God's word so that it became a regular part of my life. Each day as I read, I find out just how much more I have to learn!

J took a pretty good nap which was good since we were invited for dinner by L's childhood friend Marilyn that he reconnected with through Facebook. I haven't heard L laugh so hard in one night for a long time. They said it was like having their own little class reunion. They went through their old yearbook page by page and went through picture albums including a month-long trip their French class took to Europe. J ate like a little bird and then he played with their foster daughter Katie who is 12. She is great with kids and babysits too. It was so funny throughout the night, we found several things we had overlapping in our lives or in common like my medical transcription background. One was it turns out I interviewed Marilyn back when I worked at the UW Hospital (but she turned down the job). It was so long ago that I didn't connect with her name. We got home past J's bedtime and L was putting him to bed and he was melting down. I came up and calmed him down just holding and rocking him but then brushing his teeth he had another melt down and then had to be calmed down again.

Highlights: Swimming, Mom's Night Out, Concert on the Square

This morning we went for our weekly groceries. In the store, we were playing a game when I couldn't find boxed scalloped potatoes. J would say, "Are they over there?" and point to something and then say "No!" I'd say, "Are they over THERE?" and point to something else. He got a kick out of it.

Today in my devotional time I finished Luke 23 and started Luke 24. It starts off with Joseph, a good and upright man it says, who took Jesus' body down, wrapped it in linen and placed it in a tomb. The women who had been following him came the next morning with spices and perfume. Beth says they had probably been weeping in painful solitude remembering their encounters with him the night before they came to the tomb. While they wondered where his body went, two angels came. The women fell on their faces, they were filled with awe. Here they learn he has risen. They immediately went and told the apostles who did not believe them. Peter himself ran to the tomb and seeing it empty first hand was left wondering what had happened. Beth reminds us of our calling to also be credible witnesses of Jesus Christ.

After a late lunch, J kept asking to go swimming at the Y so I got our swim things together. Before we left, he was "reading" my parents magazine and comes running over. He says "my car, mommy! J's car!" I follow him over and he points to the page and sure enough there was a little picture of the car we use instead of a stroller. On the way as I played the radio, he was asking for Elvis so I found the 50's CD and played some for him. It's so funny how he loves Elvis. At the Y, you have to take a shower before you swim. J was reminding me saying, "take a shower mommy". He was having so much fun in the shower, I thought he forgot about swimming. He would run into the water, scream this little high pitched scream and run out. Finally, we went swimming. It was a good time, with lots of kicking and splashing. The main thing he wanted to do though was climb up the stairs and then walk a bit on the side of the pool and then go down the stairs. He was just really fixated on the stairs. I told J he had a good idea though, to go swimming at the Y. When we were changing after, he got upset and started to cry and says "J's crying".

I gave J a "Kids Cuisine" for dinner. They have a meat, veggie and dessert. This ended up being so messy. He focused on the pudding and got it all over (bib, floor, mouth, cheek, etc.) I don't think these will work. Karen our babysitter came over and right away J says to me "bye". I wasn't planning on leaving for another 10 minutes or so but he kept saying "bye"! I could tell he was going to do well while I was gone. I had Mom's Night Out at The Melting Pot, a fondue restaurant. At first, I was a bit nervous because I didn't know if I'd know anyone there. It felt weird leaving the house without my diaper bag, let alone without J! Our Titus group has over a hundred moms and I know a tiny fraction. It turns out I did know some who came, and we had a great time. I'm glad I ate slow so I didn't get that "I can't breathe" feeling after. I ended up getting into an intense conversation with one of the ladies I've been getting to know and before I knew it, it was 11:30. When I got home L said he thought I was lost or something. I haven't stayed out that late on my own in ages! It was good.

I was surprised I wasn't more tired in the morning, but it was okay. We got ready and went to Pal Zone. It was 9:30 and it was already really hot and humid. The forecast was heat index of 100! This continues to be a good place for J to play with other kids, listen to stories, sing and do crafts. He liked the "slippery fish" song so much that he started singing it later and another mom and I sang with him.


At home, we found a toad in the yard of the condo and I wanted to show it to J. I got a plastic tub and put grass in the bottom and he had a toad pet for about 1/2 hour. He jumped and squealed every time the toad would jump. We took pictures and then we let him go by the bird bath.

Today, I continued in Luke 24. Cleopas and another follower of Jesus were on the road to Emmaus having a discussion about everything that had happened. Jesus came up beside them and they were kept from recognizing him. He asked what they were discussing, and with downcast faces they shared. One key thing they said was that the one who was crucified was the one they had hoped would redeem Israel. How ironic that at this moment they are talking to the redeemer and have no clue. Jesus wasn't pleased with their unbelief and says "how foolish and slow of heart" they are to not believe the prophets. Jesus then gives them a complete teaching on all the scriptures that point to himself. Beth took something away from this that as they are talking with Jesus on the road, this can be likened to prayer (how we speak to the Lord) and as Jesus "opened the scriptures to them", this can be likened to Bible Study. Two key things for creating an intimate relationship with the Lord.


Tonight we went to Concerts on the Square in downtown Madison. We brought dinner and met up with two couples from our church life group. About 10 minutes after we picked our spot, my friend Joan and her family were coincidentally settling down right next to us! She spotted us and we just laughed. J had some fun dancing with Olivia and then dancing with daddy. We got some bad news from our life group leaders, that they are not continuing on as leaders and in fact will no longer be part of our group. I was not prepared for this and could tell my emotions were running high. Some of the reasons given were not very clear and I found it really hard to not make it personal. Instead of saying something I'd regret, I took J and went for a 20 minute walk around the capital. We didn't stay long after that as J was running around and wouldn't stay put and all I was doing was chasing after him. Plus it was just so hot and humid. L later told me they still want to get together as friends outside the group so that helped alleviate some of my concern. It was off to bed for J once we got home. One neat thing about today is how J really likes to dance. He was dancing at Pal Zone with some musical toys, dancing at home and then dancing at the concert. It is so adorable to watch, especially because he'll often say "I'm dancing, I'm dancing".

More of his word in my heart

(Wednesday)
This morning I woke up at like 5:30 with the worst gastrointestinal feelings and it came out of nowhere. I started to break out in a cold sweat and had the chills and everything. This never happened so bad before. It lasted for only about an hour and I was able to then get a bit more sleep. I wondered if it would come back but thankfully it didn't.

I tried to get my quiet time going today while J was still awake, but it didn't work. He was so full of energy I figured there was no way he was wanting his morning nap so he stayed up. We had a lunch date today with my friend Heather and Joan. We met up at a kid's cafe called Bean Sprouts. I wasn't sure what to expect, I just heard that is was really neat for kids. And it was! They had an area just for playing with a little kitchen, a place to color, and big chalk boards. J started playing in the kids area right away. Trying to decide what food to get him was the hard part. Their kids veggie pizza was awesome. On the way home, I caught Nancy Leigh DeMoss with a guest who was sharing the difference it has made in her life to memorize scripture. She wrote a book about her journey in this called His Word in My Heart. This really captured my attention because it's something I've thought about and thought about and told myself I want to do but just haven't made much progress. She said something that struck my heart as a friend of hers was saying she also really wants to memorize scripture but she just isn't disciplined. She told her friend how she is disciplined; that she eats three meals a day and doesn't let days go by without eating. She said with raw honesty to her friend it was because she wasn't hungry enough to do it. It was like the Lord was speaking to me again and filling me with a desire to get more of his word in my heart.


When we got home, we played bubbles outside. I wasn't out of the car very long and J comes over with the big bubble wand and says "here". I love an activity we can do outside together like this. We did that for a while as well as him throwing all the balls we own into the driveway and then some time after he says, I wanna go inside and get blankie so I took that as a hint it was time for a nap. One thing new that I noticed is that I'll sneeze and hear this little "bless you" from J. It's so cute.

I got to have my quiet time and started Luke 10 today. Jesus was passing through Jericho and a man named Zaccheus was determined to see him so he climbed up a tree. Jesus called out to him to come down and he'd be his guest at his house. It says he welcomed Jesus gladly. He wasted no time accepting his offer. Beth mentions here about obedience while talking about Zaccheus' response to Jesus. God delights when we obey with joy yet he honors obedience even when we are kicking and screaming. Zaccheus later declared he would give half of his possessions to the poor. His actions represent a heart that was changed.

J is getting better at using a fork now. We ate spaghetti and he barely got any on the floor which for him is huge. We got going early to the Y since tonight was my mom's night out. I got a good workout in but it was really warm and humid in there. I tried to prepare J that I would be going out with the Titus mom's so I was telling him how daddy was going to play with him. He says "mommy play?" I said, you want to play with mommy?" he says, Yes. So I went outside with him and right away says "I wanna blow bubbles" so I got the bubbles started and handed it off to daddy but when I was leaving he was outside watching and his little face was so sad. It tugged so hard on my heart to watch his little face fall and almost crying. I was so close to stopping the car to run out and give him a big hug but then thought that may make it worse so I left with the sad feeling. As my focus turned to mom's night out and meeting up at Starbuck's, I was sensing this time was really something I needed. We thought it was funny that we all go out to get away from the kids and the home yet all we talk about is diapers, grocery shopping, potty training, stories about the kids. We had a lot of laughter which was the best part. On the way home, it was such a nice night so I had my windows opened wide and just reflected on how nice it was to get out for a night. At home, L told me that after I had left, J was really crying and took a while to settle.

(Thursday)
It was weird this morning waking up. I looked at the clock and it was 7:45 and I couldn't hear anything from J. I planned on getting up and the next thing I know I'm opening my eyes and it's 9am! I had no sense of time passing other than I had some very vivid dreams that I remembered. J was just quietly playing in his crib. I heard daddy reading to J when I got out of the shower. It was so cute watching J follow the story while sitting on his daddy's lap while he read in these really funny voices. There's something so precious about seeing tender interactions between father and son!

After breakfast, I introduced J to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. It definitely took me back remembering how I used to watch it as a child. He really liked the little trolley that goes back and forth on the show. We did one nap today, a late morning/early afternoon nap. Daddy took over feeding and watching him while I went to my bible study. I enjoyed today's time as we continued in Ecclesiastes. Part of Bettye's prayer today was seeing our get together as a divine appointment to meet with the Lord and come into his presence. This really hit my heart and I was thanking God in my heart for this group. She handed out a page of scriptures that all included "fear of the Lord" as our focus today was on gaining wisdom. It is amazing all the things that are promised to us as we honor the Lord in this way; having a "fear", a reverence for him.

L, J and I went to the Dawley Conservatory/Dunn's Marsh by our house to take a nice walk (out in the 85 degree heat and humidity). For some reason, the heat felt great to me. We saw some wildlife on the way; a little turtle crossing the road that we got to examine, a ground hog, a gardener snake and a little chipmunk. Most of the walk was shaded with a really great breeze. We also had some time in the park too. After that daddy was meeting a couple friends from work and J and I went to Culver's for dinner. When we got home we did his latest and greatest thing, blowing and chasing bubbles until he wanted to go in and read all the latest books I got for him from the library. Now daddy and I are going to watch the first movie together that we've watched probably in the last year, called Gifted Hands. I'll share more about it tomorrow.