Fun times and a few not so fun

On Tuesday we went to the library for Toddler Time again. This was our second time. It had snowed so I put Julian in his boots and immediately he thought we were going to play outside. He went to the back door saying "snow, snow" and it was so hard to tell him we weren't going outside but were going to the library. Bless his heart, he got so sad and upset it was hard to get him to stop crying. We enjoyed our time there and I notice Julian is intently watching but not yet responding when she'll ask the kids to clap or wiggle their feet but he did like playing with the rhythm sticks this time. He also liked getting the stamp at the end. He was the first in line to get his penguin stamp.

Later in the day we did get some time to play outside. I like to shovel a path through our backyard since Julian loves to go walking. Julian said "shovel? shovel?" I was really surprised because I never heard him say that and didn't know he knew that word. So I'd give him the shovel but he'd try to use it on his own without me helping and it was just too heavy! Once we made it to the end of our path he was ready to go visit the cars. He says "cars? cars?" so I take him up the hill so we can watch the cars go by. He just loves it. Then we go to the condo driveway and just walk around and play in the snow until it's too cold or it's time for his nap.

Julian had a real meltdown at dinner that was really hard on me. He got upset because he couldn't bring his book to the table and he wouldn't stop crying. He was short a nap so that had finally caught up with him. My patience was worn so thin that I had to let daddy take over and I went upstairs to get a little peace and quiet and collect myself. He calmed down and ate and was fine after that. It was hard to believe he had been so upset just a bit ago. I've had plenty of battles with my patience but it is especially hard for me when Julian is crying. There's something about that that gets deep under my skin. So I continue to bring it to the Lord and cry out to him for help in having endurance and maintaining a cool head. There have been times I've just prayed out loud while it's happening and it's amazing how the Lord has answered with bringing the situation under control. He is so good.

Today in my time alone with the Lord I continued my study of Ruth. It was a good reminder of how the Lord uses broken, scarred people - even after we've fallen or blown it again and again but when we confess and seek him he uses us for his great plans and purposes.

At the end of the night I was just about to start the getting Julian ready for bed process. He starts asking something I couldn't understand but then I made out he was saying "painting, painting". He wanted to do finger painting and yet that was another word I never heard him say before so it took me by surprise. So we'll have to do some finger painting soon!

On to Wednesday ....
The morning started with Julian being difficult with eating again. He started off doing really well eating his oatmeal and yogurt but then all of a sudden he just wouldn't take another bite and something set him off and he was crying again. It didn't take me long to get him out of his chair and let him play and calm down.

I don't know if this was a carryover from breakfast but Lanty and I always pray before he leaves for work and during our prayer time I just felt this heaviness. I had negative feelings like I am no good and I'm unworthy. It was hard to shake.

Later during Julian's nap I was able to spend some time with the Lord. I saw how I was beating myself up a bit and was able to lay that aside and see who I am in God's eyes is his beloved. That I am worthy and complete in Christ. I took some time to write and was listing all the areas that the Lord has been working in my life lately (things I've written in past blogs) and it was amazing to see all he is doing. It was humbling. One of the questions in Ruth was looking at where do I find my significance. I got really honest with myself and confessed that I am often looking for significance in others opinions of me (my husband, other moms), also in my role as primary caretaker for Julian. This was a good reminder of how my significance doesn't come from those external things, it comes from my identity in Christ, who I am in Christ.

After lunch something really cute happened with Julian. I was sitting at the table and he was bringing me his little people and other toys and I'd play with them and he'd take them back to play like I was playing. Then he brought over his stuffed Tigger and I got the idea for Julian and I to feed him, telling Julian that he might be hungry. So we got out a plastic bowl and spoon and Julian was "feeding" Tigger. I came back after a bit and it was so cute, Julian had all his stuffed animals around him now and was feeding all of them! He must have figured all his animals would be hungry, not just Tigger. Maybe he'll be an animal lover like his mommy someday.

After putting Julian down for his afternoon nap I was about to start mopping when I heard the song Still by Watermark. What a beautiful song. I had to do just that and just sat down to listen to it and let the words penetrate my heart. It's interesting that it's so easy to be busy and run around doing things yet it is so hard to just sit and be still before our God. One of the lines says "I'm so quick to move, instead of listening to you." So true. I need to slow down and be still more.

Last part of the day to share was putting Julian to bed. Our routine starts when I tell Julian it's time for night night. Usually he heads for the stairs but this time he had to bring a book. He's been doing that lately, bringing a certain book up to bed. Daddy got to read the story to him and then Julian took the book and dragged it underneath his crib and was "reading" it out loud from under the bed. He is such a special blessing, I love these cute little things he does.