Saturday, February 20, 2010
We like our books and a taste of Africa
This morning turned out to be a little book reading fest for Julian. He brought one book after another for me to read to him for the better part of one hour. He couldn't get enough of reading. Then he picked up the CD of bible songs and says "Jesus, Jesus" over and over so we played that for a while and we even got him dancing a bit.
I am continuing in my book on (King) David by Beth Moore (A Heart Like His). Today the reading was in Psalm 142 when David was hiding from Saul in a cave. It says he cried out to the Lord, he poured out his complaint to him, "before him I tell my trouble". What came to mind was another passage, 1Peter 5:7 that says "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." David was pouring his heart out to the Lord in a time of deep despair. Again I see how David, whenever he is overwhelmed or anxious, prays. He brings his troubles to the Lord. While I was in my depression sometimes that was all I could do; pray and bring my troubles to the Lord even when day to day things didn't change. I think Beth Moore is right on track when she says that God honors us when go to him and tell him exactly how we feel. God always responds to our cry for help, even if we're not seeing it.
We had some time at the library today to refresh our stash of books. Julian had a great time entertaining himself with puzzles, blocks, "reading" a few books and playing with a little train set while daddy sat by him reading and I was off browsing.
I wasn't prepared for what happened later in the afternoon. I was getting ready for a friend to come over for dinner. This is someone we met at church from Nigeria who wanted to cook us a meal in our home. I was straightening up the area where Julian plays, the kitchen, etc. when I decided to put on some music. I have a stereo "juke box" that holds a lot of CDs so I wasn't sure what would come on when I hit play. It was like getting the wind knocked out of me when my "Sing over Me" Christian lullaby CD came on with the song "How great is our God". Immediately I am in a flashback listening to this CD just after having my C-section when Julian was born when it brought such serenity. Then my mind flashed to Portage WI where I lived with my in-laws for a time who helped care for Julian when I was deep in postpartum depression and this CD was one of the only things that brought any sense of peace. Then I flashed to times when the depression dragged on and I would try in vain to connect with God through this CD yet I could not shake the feelings of bleakness and meaninglessness of life that I was shrouded in. I just sat there in the living room this afternoon and let the tears stream down my face as I was awash once again with the realization of the depths of the pit that the Lord pulled me out of - the darkness he set me free from. The tears were a bit sad, but also being so moved by this.
I had to come back to the task at hand and finished my cleaning and then I got Julian up from his afternoon nap. He has been practicing putting his socks on every time he wakes up from a nap now. He sits in the crib and stretches out his legs. I am just delighted as I watch him stretch the sock over his little toes. He usually catches his big toe in the sock and lets go so the sock hangs on his foot. Then he looks up at me with his wide grin. He's so happy to be doing it even just a little bit and I am alongside him just beaming.
So our friend Efosa came over with all the fixings for cooking a Nigerian meal of fried rice. Our kitchen was filled with the wonderful smell of exotic spices while he cooked. He had us hang out and relax while he was busy in the kitchen. The meal was wonderful and we were impressed that Julian loved it too. We weren't sure if he'd even eat it since it was plenty spicy. He did do a bit of rubbing his mouth and I would say "spicy, spicy" letting him know where that feeling was coming from. The conversation was good too as Efosa wanted to hear the story of how Lanty and I met and we got to know more about him, his three siblings and his somewhat new relationship. Julian was starting to have meltdowns a little bit after Efosa left so we knew it was time to call it a night. I think that's my cue too for calling it a day.