A relaxing Sunday

This morning was our time to serve with the kid's ministry at church. Again, I found it really enjoyable. There are a few kids that need some extra direction but for the most part they are pretty good 3-year-olds. After that, we stayed to hear about mission trips to Honduras and Peru. I brought J with us and was glad there were a couple other kids there. Our pediatrician was the presenter who went on a medical mission trip with several others to Honduras. One of the doctors (internal medicine) was the brother of a childhood friend. It was incredibly interested to hear about all they were able to do in a short time. J was a bit of a mover during the time but never strayed too far. For the second group talking about Peru, he started to get antsy and was talking loud so we left and wandered around the large church lobby until L came out.

We all had quesadillas for lunch and then stopped at Culver's for some ice cream. This has definitely become a summer habit, which is OK as long as the rest of my diet is balanced and there's exercise. I'm still not regularly getting in 3 days a week for exercise and I'm not extremely focused on regulating my eating. I'm not really losing anything. Not very inspirational but true.

We were low key and stayed around home today. During J's nap, we spent some time reading which is one of our favorite things to do. I was reading They Poured Fire on Us From the Sky and it is really gripping. It's about the "lost boys of Sudan" who were a group of tens of thousands of very young boys who faced the dangers of traveling 1000 miles across the country into Ethiopia looking for refuge from civil war. This story is told by three of the survivors. I cannot believe all they went through. When J got up from his nap, he was pretty tired. He came downstairs and just lay on the floor. He said "I'm sleepin'". Then he stood there doing a goofy handstand thing. It was pretty funny.

Tonight we went back to church to go to the actual service. J got to hear the children's message twice. We are in the 2nd to last week of Ecclesiastes and tonight's message was about death. We viewed a brief video of our pastor walking in a cemetery. Not a place we go to unless we have to, he says. Today we looked at two different passages in the Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:1-10 and 2Timothy 1:3-12. in Ecclesiastes, the writer is very pessimistic. The outlook is bleak. He says whether we live our life for good or for evil, the same destiny overtakes us all. While in 2Timothy, the message is filled with hope. The highlight being verse 10: "it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. This speaks of the promise of what is to come for those of us who believe and have put our faith in Jesus. Death is destroyed. I like how Paul puts that. So a reminder that as a follower, in this life we are only passing through. We are being prepared for our real life, the one that is eternal and will be spent in the company of our Lord. How comforting!

It was pretty late by the time we got home and we hadn't had dinner yet so we ate quick and then J got a bath. His Aunt Carrie was on the phone and he said hi and told her "I'm taking a bath". When I was drying him off he got away and started running around the upstairs al natural. He really didn't want to be caught and was laughing so hard. Finally, it was time to say goodnight.

Good question: What do you want your legacy to be?

This morning our Titus group had a rain call and we were meeting at the church gym instead of the park since the chance for rain was too great. We were running about 20 minutes late. Got a late start getting up since J didn't wake me like he has been. He was more subdued today in playing. At first he just sat quietly with some toys, then came by and wanted to sit on my lap for a while. Then he got a bit spunkier and tried to take over a couple riding toys. We had a lunch invitation but I really wanted to make it to bible study so I had to pass. I told the bible study group last week that after praying about it, I'm going to be leaving after the Ecclesiastes study and moving to the women's bible study that meets at the church in the fall. The majority of women are moms with young kids but in general there's just a greater variety of age ranges and experience. I love my group now, but everyone is in the grandmother stage of life. I will continue to visit them though. So I got J home in time to make him some lunch and then headed to the study once Dave came.

In our bible study today, we had a chance to share what we had been getting from it. One of the ladies shares that whenever she heard we need to "fear God" she wouldn't understand that. It didn't sound right until she learned through this study that it means to have a reverence for God. "Awed respect" says the dictionary. I believe this grows as we grow closer to him. Our leader Bettye shared something quick about a couple they are mentoring before they marry. The man asked them, "What would you like your legacy to be when you're gone?" Her thought is a quote from John Newton, the man who wrote Amazing Grace. He said, "I am a great sinner, and Christ is a great savior." This is really something good to think about. One of the things I took away from today is how God works in steps. We often want God to fix us or fix something right away, yet God works through step by step ministering to us, often in small ways. We'd miss out on so much of learning who God is if the situation was just fixed right away.

In my devotional time today, I continued in Luke 23; the journey to the cross. Right away my heart is struck. He was beaten so badly, tortured almost to the point of death, more than a human body is supposed to bear. Still, he shows his love, compassion and strength. Beth shares after physically being nailed to the cross and the process of asphyxiation beginning, he manages to talk saying (Luke 23:34) "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Later, Jesus again has the physical power to talk and says to the criminal who asks Jesus to remember him (Luke 23:43) "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Can hear the love in that statement. Beth says that with every pound of the hammer God was nailing down our redemption, our salvation. Jesus' last words were (Luke 23:46) "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." He used his last breath to utter the trust upon which his entire life had rested.

J had an almost 3-hour nap this afternoon and was really slow about getting up. We were doing an informal dinner so I wasn't sure what to make him but when I opened the freezer he saw one of his Kid Cuisine's and asked for that. He kept saying "ravi-rolli", "ravi-rolli mommy". I didn't correct him even though it was breaded chicken. I just loved how he said it. Later, I was talking to L about stopping at the library and J says "I want to go to the liberry" over and over. Then he said, "It's closed. (Daddy said, "Closed?") J says, "No. It's open." It's so funny these little conversations we have now. So we stopped at the library where J does really great playing while L and I look around. As we got home J said that he was tired. Since it wasn't too far from his bedtime we started his routine early. He needs to be rested up since we have a big weekend going to Whispering Ridge in Oxford, WI. A little getaway rental home our friends from our old church invited us to for a personal retreat.

J's first Concert on the Square

(Wednesday)
I had a slow moving morning so we were running late for Pal Zone, but still went since it runs for two hours. Usually, J goes right in and starts playing but today he wanted to sit on my lap for a bit. Maybe it was because we'd been away from this play group for a few weeks. He soon warmed up and found some toys. During circle/story time, it was so wonderful to watch J participating in the songs. For so long, he would just watch everyone else and listen, but today he clapped, wiggled his fingers, stretched out his hands, touched his toes, and other things following right along with our instructor. The book was about rubber duckies and the craft that went with it was making a duck. J really enjoyed using the paint brush to put on the glue. He kept giggling while he did it. I had to move him toward putting the feathers on though or he would've had a pool of glue.


When we got home, I had a stack of little art projects he's done and started hanging them up on our door. At lunch, he was saying no to everything I offered him so finally I just picked some left overs with rice and gave him a spoon. He said no to the spoon and says "I want a big guy fork." I don't know where he got that from, but it meant he wanted a grown up fork. Once he got that, he ate fine. He took an earlier nap since he didn't get one in the morning and we would be leaving early to meet friends downtown.

I continued reading Luke 22 today. In my devotional book, Beth Moore focuses on the argument between the disciples over who is the greatest. She mentions, before getting judgmental to notice how much we are actually like the disciples. Wanting attention, sometimes wanting the center of attention, craving acknowledgment, being self-focused/self-centered. Admitting we are also slow to learn and struggle with these things. She also shares how we need Jesus to "minister humility" to us. She has you picture Jesus washing the feet of the disciples, teaching and modeling humility. Lately, I've been seeing how so much of my life just revolves around me; my wants, my feelings, my need to be acknowledged or patted on the back. I see my lack of humility and desire to grow in this, that I would focus more outward. It's true that as you focus on others and serving, giving, you forget about the petty stuff of "the self". My prayer is that I would have more of a heart to serve; my friends, my husband, my son especially.

It was the opening night for Concerts on the Square where the Wisconsin Chamber Orchestra plays six Wednesday nights in a row and people bring blankets and chairs to watch from the capital lawn. L and I met up with my friend Eileen, her husband and son Jackson. We had a great picnic dinner and enjoyed some nice music. We didn't stay for the whole thing as Jackson got a little antsy and we wanted to beat traffic. On our way out I saw more friends, Joan and Olivia so we stopped to chat for a bit. J had to get a bath when we got home with all the dirt and bug lotion on him. It was super quick.

(Thursday)

We had another play date with Joan and Heather and their girls. This time we went to Heather's house. The kids are really learning to play well together since they've been hanging out now for a while. J still tries to hug them too hard and they still have their squabbles, but it's fun to watch them learning to play together. They all sat on the floor together playing legos, then doing puzzles together.

Our sitter Karen came today to watch J while I went to my bible study. Bettye read something that I really liked. It said, those of us who have known the Lord for a long time sometimes forget all the times the Lord has rescued us and forget how much we have been forgiven for. I remember several months ago going through a little season where it really struck me how much I'd been forgiven. I continue to be reminded of what the Lord rescued me from in my depression and have flashbacks to the times when it was so hard just to function, let alone take care of a child. We continued in our book that reviews Ecclesiastes and today the topic was death, chapter 9. Not something we often talk about. We looked at the part where the author says many people are uncomfortable with death. This is often present at funerals. The author looks at that saying how being at a funeral forces us to face our ultimate reality. It is proof that we are not in control of our lives. This really makes me think about the verse, teach me to number my days (Psalm 90:12) I pray that I wouldn't just be existing, but living by giving of my heart. Even though I completely believe that my acceptance of Christ's death on the cross and Lord of my life has given me the gift of eternal life, I can't say I'm not scared of death. When I feel that way, I pray that I would die well. (This seems odd to talk about but it's the topic.) That I would hold onto Jesus and feel his presence like never before.

Karen said they had a great time playing and she had fun watching J play. He named his little people Simon and Robert while playing with them. Karen got to see him dancing when she played the music button one of his trucks. Later, we dropped by Joan's to give Olivia the rest of her birthday gift. They're getting ready for a weekend trip and it was time for J's nap so we didn't stay long. It's really cute hearing Olivia say J's name and J saying Olivia's name. They kept saying bye and hi to each other as we were leaving.

Dinner was pretty calm and afterward we played outside. Most of the time was with bubbles. Now that I know how to make them (mixing water and dish detergent) I can make up a huge batch each time. J got a lot of exercise running around trying to pop the big bubbles. Then we stopped at the Sonic drive-thru for a .99 cent sundae (which was more like a shake) which J and I shared before it was time for him to go to bed.

What a gift it is to be well

I continued in Luke 12 today. I've been taking a few moments to pray before I get into my study time. Today the thought popped into my mind how much the Lord enjoys it when I spend time with him. He loves for me to turn my attention to him. It was such an encouraging thought. Jesus continues in his instruction. He starts with watchfulness, saying to keep your lamps burning. No one knows the hour at which the master will come. Who is the faithful and wise manager, he says. It's all about being ready for Christ's return. Just like we keep a light on for someone not yet home an night. But Beth says it's not just about watchful waiting; it's also being involved in the Lord's work now. His words are very strong and harsh for those who don't.

I also read half of the next chapter in our Ecclesiastes book. In this book of the bible, as you read we are evaluating how we live our life. The man who fears God will avoid living in extremes (self indulgent, self righteous, wicked). The author says not to live in a spiritual cocoon avoiding the world, but to not give oneself over to it in reckless abandon. Like 1John 2:15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. I liked something he said. When faced with someone's fallenness, do not get upset. Just remember that in your own heart you have done the same thing many times. This for sure is hard to remember in the heat of the moment. Yet I find it is very true and something to remember.

This afternoon, I had a follow up appointment with my psychiatrist. This was someone I started seeing during the time of my depression. I see her now about once every 3 months since she just wants to check in and see that all is well. It was great to be able to share what a gift it is to be well, especially since she saw me in the dark times. I don't think I knew how precious good health is until I went through something where it was threatened and taken away for a time. Before, I took for granted being well (spiritually and mentally). I had never been depressed and knocked flat in my life before. Now, I see how each day is such a gift as God has brought back joy and fulfillment in my life. I added a picture today of my climbing vine (clematis) and tiny hanging plants. Just seeing them in bloom reminds me of the life God gives.

We made a stop at the library and J made a friend again. This girl was older and definitely acted like an older sister trying to show J how to use the computer and trying to get him to follow her to the different toys. After that we played in the sandbox. I snuck my book in there since I couldn't wait to start it. It's called Honestly by Sheila Walsh. She is a Christian singer who was also on the 700 Club on TV. I'm not a 700 Club fan but her story really appealed to me. It's about a woman who had everything going for her but had deep inner turmoil that took her on a journey from hopelessness to ultimately deepened faith and joy.

During J's nap after I got some things done, I watched more of the Faith Like Potatoes movie. I ended up crying several times. It's a movie based on a true story. I finally finished it after dinner and thought it was good. J really liked the dinner I made tonight (click here for the simple recipe). He kept saying "this is really good" and I have to say it's great to hear your son compliment your food! It was the opposite of what happened at dinner last night. We do notice that he's getting more adamant about what he wants. It's showing up in more ways. Part of being a 2-year-old I'm sure. Tonight was daddy's night to put J to bed, but I heard him crying for me so I went in and he kept saying "mommy do it" so I took it from there. He was off and on crying about who knows what so I just kept singing to him and making up goofy songs. He finally liked my song to the tune of wheels on the bus, "Buca on the bus goes round and round" (Buca's our cat) and calmed down.

Turning worries into prayer

I woke up really tired today. I think it was a mixture of a lot of activity yesterday and getting to bed late at 11:30. I need a few solid nights of getting to bed by 10:30 to really catch up. This morning J spent most of his time coloring, then he asked mommy to color too. He was playing with bristle blocks which he got for Christmas but only recently has been into sticking the blocks together. Also dancing to the Elmo firefighter song. I did something different today and added a video I captured of him dancing. (See the bottom of the post!)

I started Luke 12 today in my devotional time. When a crowd of many thousands gathered, Jesus first begins to speak to his disciples. He gives many warnings and instruction.
-Do not be like the Pharisees who valued honor from men over a relationship with God.
-Watch out for all kinds of greed. Beth shares that our life doesn't consist of the abundance of our possessions. This is so true! Oh Lord, that I would not be attached to my possessions.
-Do not worry about your life (food, clothes). See the raven who does not sow or reap and yet God feeds them. He says we are much more valued than birds so how much more he will care for us. Beth says that believing our great value in the Lord frees us from many trappings of life; greed, worry, fear. Verse 25: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Beth shares that she was taught to turn her worries into prayer, especially worry for her children and what a difference that made. This is also something I got in the habit of doing. It does help to bring peace knowing that he's in control. Verse 31: But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

We had a good study at my women's bible group today, reviewing chapters 5 and 6 of Ecclesiastes. Before we got into the discussion, our leader Betty read something to encourage us. The focus of it was on Genesis 2:7The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. She read that man is the only creature that has the breath of God in him; being made in his image. A question she read was "What does it take you to stop and pay attention to God?" Being fearful? Being down about something? Being in a difficult situation? Just because you want to spend time with him? There was a reminder about the Sabbath back in the Old Testament days and how it is really good to take time to rest. It helps remind us that our work is not more important than God's. One of the reflections from our chapters today was that the Lord is in the midst of whatever is going on in our lives. We can endure whatever hardship we face. We see this in looking at Jesus. He actually asked that the cup be taken from him (going to the cross) but said not his will but God's be done.

This afternoon I had a few errands to run. J kept saying "I want to go home". He wasn't enjoying getting in and out of the car. One stop we made was at Walgreens to get some good bubble wands to play with. A little boy came up with a ball and they were throwing it back and forth. His dad came and said he couldn't believe he was sharing. Later, at dinner J had another melt down. He kept wanting me to pick him up and then he wouldn't eat. He at first was excited about spaghetti, but then just sat there and eventually started crying. When he wouldn't stop, I set him in his crib to calm him down.

We had another nice family walk, this time going to a different park. I spent some time on the swing and just enjoyed it, taking in what a beautiful night it was. I was thinking back to last summer when I wasn't doing well. I would take J to this park and remember how horrible and incredibly self conscious I felt. Almost paranoid. It dawned on me that J couldn't walk last summer. We spent a lot of time in the stroller. It's so fun now that he's walking, climbing, running and everything. Last part of the night was his bath. He hated it! He said "I want to sleep mommy. I want to go to bed." I told him I'd give him a speedy, quick bath but he didn't want it. The minute I put him in the water he said "all done mommy" and started crying. I was pretty quick though but I hope he's not afraid of water now from his swimming lessons.

Spending date night downtown

J woke up in a "sensitive" mood today; crying because I put on sandals instead of his gym shoes and his swim suit instead of regular clothes. He just seemed a little off. So it was no surprise that he was not very happy going swimming today. He actually cried a couple times like when we were supposed to put his face underwater for the first time. He kept saying "I don't like that". J is really the only one in the class not liking it. He seems to have an independent learning style. He really seems to do okay as long as he can get used to it at his own pace and do his own thing in the water. He doesn't like the "forced" stuff which is how the class goes. Now that I have learned what his reactions are, I would have been much better off just introducing him to the water on my own instead of through a class. But I wouldn't have known that without trying. We only have 2 classes left, so after that I'll continue to work with him on my own.

In my time alone today, I continued in Luke 10. This is the famous story of the good Samaritan. I didn't remember that it starts off with an expert in the law "testing" Jesus by asking him what the way is to eternal life. Here is what he replies in verse 27: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' After that, Jesus tells the story of the good Samaritan and asks which one acted as a neighbor. Both a priest and a Levite-those you'd expect to stop-left him to lay there while the Samaritan was the one who stopped to help. This man showed mercy to a stranger lying beaten and bleeding in the road. Beth (in Jesus, the One and Only) says that God demands passionate action. Again, I can recall times when I've been moved to do something like pay for someone's groceries who is in line with me using food stamps yet I've chickened out. I pray for passionate action instead of indecision when God brings an opportunity my way.

I decided to read my Ecclesiastes study for next week (chapter 6) and here are some of the highlights. This chapter tells us that hard times can become the best years of our life. Then he moves a different direction and says that someone can have all that they desire but God does not enable him to enjoy them so he is miserable. Yet someone else can be filled with gratitude in what they have realizing it is a gift from God's hand. The key he says is that enjoyment is a gift God gives us. Also, out of adversity can come wisdom which can protect from further trouble and pain. Bottom line, no matter what our circumstances, we must learn to accept and understand God has chosen or allowed them out of love and wisdom. What he sends us is always designed to benefit. It is good to hear this again and again, because it is so easy during my day to find myself grumbling about something. Like J having some temper time or being aggravated in the car. But just the other day when I was aggravated in the car by a slow poke, I had the thought what if God is somehow protecting me from an accident? Like what if by this delay I end up not being in the way of someone who is driving reckless? OK that may not be true, but it blessed me and calmed me down.

J was hungry for lunch. He has a whole PB & J sandwich (usually he only eats half). After lunch, we stopped at the library, got some ice cream and then checked out our missionary friends' yard sale. They gave me some children's learning CD-Rom's for free. Boy, was it warm out. Over 85, sunny and barely any breeze. J liked their daughter. She was reading a book under a tree and he sat down right with her to listen then was following her around a bit.

L and I got to have a lovely date night tonight thanks to our friends from our life group. They offered to watch J anytime and he has fun playing with them and their kids. They got him a wonderful birthday gift of a Thomas the Train set with several trains and a wooden track. He was so excited he was shaking. He loves Thomas but we've only watched videos since the trains are not cheap to buy. So we left him quite happy there. We headed downtown to State Street. It is a pedestrian mall that connects the state capital with the UW Madison campus. It is great just to walk and talk and the night was nice as it started to cool off. We decided on a new Indian restaurant (new to us) that was a bit of a walk which was good. Out of our time we decided we'd like to have a deeper focus in our relationship on how we are doing, how things are really going. In the past, it has helped to go through some type of relationship book together so we're thinking about doing that. It has been a really good conversation starter and it's helped us to keep communication flowing in our strong and weak areas. J was waiting at the door when we got back and was really excited to see us and show us what he was playing with. We ended up hanging out for a while and talking. Then we realized it was getting late although J was still wide awake. And now I'm starting to fade so I'm going to wrap things up.

J has a play date with the girls

Yesterday we had our first park date of our Titus mom's group. We're no longer meeting in the church gym, but meeting at various parks around the city. I was the "host" which meant I picked the park and got there early to welcome people. We met at McKee Farms. It was nice meeting some new moms and this time I let J do more running around on his own and was able to have more conversations. An older boy, Steffano, was helping keep an eye on him. We had fun until 4 school buses full of older kids came and so most of us left since the kids were too rowdy for our little ones. It ended up being close to lunch time.

I got together with my women's bible study group to review Ecclesiastes chapter 4. The highlight for me was where the author says enjoyment does not come from possessions or riches. Nor does it come from companionship, popularity or fame. It comes by knowing the living God and taking everything from his hand with thanksgiving, whether pain or pleasure. I do believe God controls what comes into your life. So I need to remember that what's happening is happening because God allowed it, so there must be some way he's going to use it for my good (Romans 8:28).

When I got home, it was pretty warm so I got on J's suit and we went in his pool for the first time. We played with his water toys and then he was asking me to sit with him but I didn't have on my suit. I decided I'd put it on and I brought a few balls into the pool too. Soon after that he was wanting to go back inside.

For my devotional time, I finished reading Luke 9. I had a thought. I was thinking how when I read about David so often I was really moved and so in awe of his relationship and devotedness to God. Yet I'm noticing that I'm not having that experience in this study. I think part of it is that I just really can't fathom all the miracles Jesus is doing. I'm reading and it's like, oh-he did another miracle. Not, wow-this is so moving and incredible to think of someone blind regaining their sight! Like verse 43 And they were all amazed at the greatness of God. I want to be amazed. In my reading, the disciples were arguing over who among them was the greatest. We see how very human they are. Here, Beth says that the road to greatness is through humility. That is an area I could grow for sure. Beth says that God wants us to get beyond the "self" stuff; self pity, self indulgence, self absorption, self exaltation. This is a daily challenge.

For dinner, we were meeting friends at a pizza place. They have been raising money as missionaries and are soon moving to Malawi, Africa so we wanted to treat them. J kept saying "pizza pizza" while waiting for daddy to get home. He loves pizza so he ate well and then did a lot of coloring so we were able to hang out for a couple hours and he actually stayed content in his high chair. We played outside for a little bit when we got home but it was getting dark.

This morning, we had a play date at my friend Joan's with her daughter and Heather and her daughter whose birthday was today. Our kids are all in the turning two stage. It was a good opportunity for them to practice sharing as they all wanted what the other one was playing with. J kept going into Joan's daughter's room and bringing out more and more toys. Heather made the cutest little monkey face cupcakes which the kids loved. As we were getting ready to leave J found a musical barn toy magnet and started dancing to the songs then the girls started dancing too. It was so cute watching all three of them dance together. When we got home, for some reason I got my nerve to cut my hair short. I just was ready. So I got my hair cutting scissors and cut probably 4 or 5 inches off. It feels much cooler so I think it'll be good for summer.

We ended up futzing around before and after lunch so we didn't do much outside in the afternoon but ran to the store, stopped at a garage sale and made a stop at the library. It was pretty cute at the library, J made a friend of an older girl. She kept asking him to watch her puppet show but he didn't want to sit so she ended up reading him a couple books while they sat in a chair together. She'd just make up the words from the pictures.

In my devotional time, I started Luke 10. Jesus sent out 72 disciples to teach and heal. Beth shares that often our work for the Lord is done not by ourselves, but in fellowship with others. The disciples came back elated by all they were able to do for Christ, but he corrects them saying they should instead rejoice that their names are written in heaven. In other words, the greatest cause we have for joy is not what we do but who we are, children of the living God. She says dare to do what he's calling you to do. Often I'll get these ideas of blessing someone in a specific way, but then I end up for one reason or another not doing it. I see how I rob myself of the opportunity not only to share joy, but to receive it by giving of myself.

During J's nap, I was blogging and lost track of time. By the time I looked at the clock it was 5 minutes until L gets home from work and I hadn't made dinner! Oops. I ended up making grilled cheese but J was in a funky mood and cried most of dinner, not eating much. He perked up once I said we could go outside to play. Tonight, he was using my golf club to hit some plastic golf balls around the driveway. Then he had fun throwing balls into his pool. Before bed, I gave him a bath but he still hates getting his hair and face wet. He cries and gets so upset yet all I can do is go fast. Hoping there will be no carryover, I tried to get him excited about swimming tomorrow. Then daddy came up and did the rest of tucking him in for the night. I'm looking forward to the longer weekend. So far we planned a date night tomorrow night and then L goes golfing Sunday so maybe J and I will have a play date.

Blessed in my prayer time today

Since we didn't get to go over the weekend, this morning I put together my menu for the week and took J to do our grocery shopping. He's still my little helper in putting things away.

In my devotional time, I continued in Luke 9. I am already more than halfway through the study. One of the things this study is about, Beth says, is being able to put ourselves in the shoes of Christ's disciples. I started to pray for my time with God and was turning my heart and mind to him and it was like I could feel him turning to me like he was taking my hand to draw me close. It was a really neat moment. The study today was about the transfiguration; Jesus takes Peter, James and John upon a mountain and his face changed and his clothes became bright. They were witnessing his glory. Then a cloud came and a voice said "This is my son, whom I have chosen; listen to him." (Verse 35). Just as Jesus revealed more of himself to his disciples, as our relationship with him deepens, he reveals more and more of himself to us. There is always more to learn about him! I also read from Ecclesiastes ch. 4. In the last chapter, we were learning that God has a wonderful plan for each life. In ch. 4 the question is raised how can a loving God allow certain things to happen? I think that's a good question. The author shares that if we accept that God's motives come from a loving heart, we can enjoy all of life, even the painful parts.

It was a really hot day today. It got over 90. After lunch, we went outside and J played with his lawn mower while I raked up the grass left over from mowing. I used the grass as mulch in my little garden. J helped me lay it on the plants. I got J's pool out of the box and started blowing it up. That was a lot of work! J ended up getting too hot so I let him cool off inside for a bit and then finished blowing it up and putting the water in the pool. I think we'll use it tomorrow since it got a bit late.

When J saw his pool from the window after his nap he wanted to go swimming. It was hard to tell him we'll need to wait until tomorrow since he seemed so excited. He's been enjoying a See and Say talking toy that has numbers 1-10 in different colors. It has him pick the number by its color and press it. He rushes through it when he does it on his own, but as I played with him for a while he would follow the voice and pick out the colored number as I encouraged him. He's beginning to move from learning to say (most) of the numbers 1-10 to just starting to learn to recognize the numbers by sight.

I had a good workout at the Y tonight running for 20 minutes and walking for 10. For J's bedtime story, daddy read from the Jesus Storybook Bible I learned about from my blog friend Tea at Homemaker's Heart (http://myhomemakersheart.blogspot.com) There are wonderful stories of the bible with each one pointing to the underlying theme of Jesus. Yesterday at church J was learning about David and Goliath. After church, he was talking about the giant and showing me these little paper David sandals he "made" with help. So daddy read him the story of David and Goliath. He was excited telling me how the giant went crash.

I just saw the temp and it's 80 at 10pm. I'm thankful for our A/C. We can't keep it very low but it still helps with the humidity. High of 86 tomorrow! The little pool should feel good for J.

As a postscript I thought I'd add something encouraging I just read. This is from the website of the magazine Thriving Family, a Focus on the Family publication. They have some really good articles from time to time that really speak to me. Here's an excerpt from the post "Mommy Tasking": What we moms need, what our minds miss most and what our hearts intensely seek is the seemingly lost ability to monotask. We long for a quiet moment on a porch swing to laugh with a child, a chance to linger over dinner with our husband and the satisfaction of allowing a burgeoning idea to playfully work its way through our brain....
The article is about multitasking and how that can take over a mom's life. She continues: Multitasking isn’t just a solution for improved productivity; it's a value statement that says more is always better and quiet times are unproductive times. I suspect that God couldn’t agree less. The Bible does not say, “He leadeth me in the path of astounding productivity and dizzying accomplishment whereby He is exceedingly impressed.” No, God wants us to lie down in green pastures, and He wants to lead us beside still waters to restore our souls. This really spoke to my soul.

Soaking up the morning sun

This morning after daddy left, J wanted to go play outside. It was already 62 at 9am. J quickly lost interest is chasing balls so I got the idea of getting our camping chairs and setting them outside. I got my coffee and the newspaper and he had his sippy cup and a few books. The two of us sat out there reading until it was time for his morning nap. It was really nice.

Today I started reading Luke 9. Jesus called the twelve together. Verse 1-2: He gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. Up until this time, Jesus had been acting on his own. Now he equipped the disciples. Beth mentions how the disciples had been granted a privilege beyond all others based on what they'd seen. Yet then he also gave them power and authority while he was around to continue teaching them.

At my bible study, we went over chapter 3 in Ecclesiastes. One point made in chapter 3 is that as we grow in our knowledge, we discover that the more we know, the more we realize we do not know. Yet that is the life of faith. To rest in his arms letting the enigmas unfold, trusting in the wisdom of our heavenly father. Another part that stood out to me was in verse 13 it talks about man gaining pleasure from toil. The key, they found, is that it isn't lasting pleasure. The secret is that it is only a vibrant relationship with God that produces lasting enjoyment.

My babysitter showed me a new game she was playing with J while I was gone. She would sit J in the cardboard box and he'd put on his fire helmet. Then she'd pull him around the room on their way to a fire. When she stopped, J would stand up with his pretend hose and pretend to put out the fire. She left and he wanted me to do this a few times. Then we took a little trip to the library and I found a bunch of good books. When he got up from his nap, one of the first things he did was go through the new books and select a few for me to read before dinner.

During dinner, J had a little meltdown while eating spaghetti. He seemed to be getting frustrated by how much he was dropping into his bib. After a few bouts of nonstop crying, I laid him in his crib as a way to calm down. He was fine after about ten minutes and then finished eating. It was so out of the blue. We headed across town to our friend's house to pick up a water cooler for J's birthday party. J wanted to take some of his new books with him. Usually he'll pick one or at the most two. This time he wanted to take four with him and was upset when I told him it was too much. We compromised and I let him take two. He did end up reading both of them in the car. They were outside with the kids so we stayed to play. J loves their daughter who's a little older. She would ride her tricycle and he'd push her. Then she pushed him on a little scooter. He wanted her to chase him and he'd laugh like crazy when she did. For some reason, he wanted to wear her bicycle helmet so he had that on while playing.

One more day to get the final preparations done for J's party. Will have a lot of running around tomorrow and my sister and brother in law are coming up to stay the night. So I probably won't be posting for a few days.

To Everything (turn, turn turn)

We started the morning with reading a book and J seemed in a fine mood, but then a couple things didn't go his way and he was easily upset with long bouts of crying and pouting. Nothing I did calmed him so I let him calm down on his own. I decided it was better to keep his morning nap rather than push it to get to the Y so J won't be this edgy the rest of the day. Daddy left early to spend most of the day downtown as he'll be meeting with a couple brothers in Christ and also getting a little alone time.

In my devotional time, I continued in Luke 7. Here, John the Baptist (who was in prison) sent two men to question if Jesus was the one to come or someone else. Jesus told them to report the miracles they'd witnessed and that the blind receive sight, the lame walk, the deaf hear...Beth says that John was probably wondering how he is going to "prepare the way" from prison. John was likely fighting some doubts about his calling and even who Jesus was. We too need to work out our doubts with the Lord instead of letting them fester underneath.

I also read more in Ecclesiastes starting chapter 3 in which we read the famous lines like, there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. There is an appropriate time for all of life's experiences; a time to be born, and a time to die, a time to mourn and a time to dance.... We don't get to escape sorrow, mourning or even death as these are a part of our living experience. But there is a hope in it too. I'm thinking of the verse from John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. Those words bring me comfort having lived through a period so dark I didn't know if I'd come out and be "me", be Tracey again. I thought I was lost, damned...for real I thought that. Even when I could no longer "hear" God's voice, he had never let me go and I came out of it and I am Tracey again. Yet a forever changed Tracey.

There's something from yesterday I forgot to share that has to do with this. I'm wrestling with some of the author's comments on chapter two of Ecclesiastes. He says, "All in life comes from God's hand so pain, sorrow, bereavement, disappointment as well as gladness, happiness and joy; all these things are gifts from God. When we see life in those terms, every element of life can have its measure of joy - even sorrow, pain and grief. These things were also given to us to enjoy." I can't see enjoying sorrow, bereavement, etc. After talking about it with L, I think I understand it better. He was saying when someone reaches a point that they can actually give over their sorrow, pain, etc. to the Lord as an act of worship, there is joy in that. Yet he says he doesn't picture many reaching that point in their faith. That makes sense to me, and I know I'm not there.

After lunch, J and I took a trip to Home Depot to buy some things for the garden. We're in a condo so we have just a tiny space but this year I'll fit 3 cherry tomato plants, 3 regular tomato plants, 2 green pepper plants and 2 banana pepper plants. This will be enough to have it fresh with salads, for spaghetti, etc. but not enough for canning or freezing which is fine. I also bought and planted some flowers and a few hostas. I thought of my blog friend Tea praying over her garden and remembered to pray for God to breathe life on the plants so they would flourish. I rewarded J for being so patient at the store with a trip to McKee Farms, the park he loves. He made a new friend, an older girl named Virginia who was 5. He's already a charmer. He was trying to tickle her and would run up to her and run away giggling. She pushed him on the swing and then she had to go so she gave him a little hug. It was so cute.

On the menu for tonight's dinner was tacos, but I realized at the last minute that I had no ground beef. I thought it would be nice to not have to cook so we went to one of our favorite spots, Culver's. There was a little boy maybe 6 who came up to J and started talking to him while J was eating ice cream. He said what a cute little boy J was. I made the mistake of letting J hold the ice cream cone. Then he wouldn't give it back (we were sharing) and a few times almost lost it. He got really upset when I needed to take it back so I got a spoon to feed him and that solved the problem. We played outside for a while after we got home, but J wanted daddy too so he went inside looking for him and daddy came out. Eventually, it was time for bed so daddy read him his book and did the tucking in tonight.

Today I met two moms who were commenting on loving the stage J is in and they were wistful about it since their kids were now 5 and older. This is another way I think the Lord is telling me to savor my moments with J since they go so fast.

Here's the address for the song Turn, Turn, Turn (sorry I couldn't get the link to work)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPx71FLR4Wg&feature=related

The Power of Prayer

Today was yet another cloudy day, but this time warmer going up into the low 60's. Daddy had the day off and we kicked back with nothing on the agenda. One thing I did with J was watching some Sesame Street video clips on counting 1-10. I'm trying to teach him how to count on his fingers but he doesn't get that yet. I think he liked our fireman game last night as he put on his fireman's hat and ran around rescuing kitty. This time daddy got a picture of it. He also liked dancing around with his musical toy that sings "wheels on the bus". He did that over and over. Of course, we also read some books.

During my devotional time, I continued in Luke 7, Jesus and the widow's son. He and his disciples and a large crowd went to the town of Nain. It seems now wherever Jesus goes there is a crowd. In this town, he saw a widow whose dead son was being carried out of the town. This was the widow's only son. His heart went out to her and he told her not to cry. Here I read this as Jesus isn't saying don't cry, there there, it'll be OK, he's saying don't cry for there won't be a need for sorrow. He touched the boy's coffin and commanded him to get up and he did. Jesus reached out in his compassion and raised him to life. The people were filled with awe and praised God. (I would too!) This news about Jesus spread throughout the countryside. As I'm reading this, I just notice how many short stories there are of Jesus and his healing that I don't remember. Some of them just aren't talked about very often. It has been really good to read this slowly and let them soak in.

Daddy had some rare alone time with J while I went to my women's bible study. We had a good discussion on chapter 2 of Ecclesiastes about the meaningless pursuit of pleasure. To sum up the pursuit of pleasure, we discussed how pleasure is fleeting. Nothing lasts. Yet there is a pleasure and contentment that does last, and it is only found in Christ. It is from the hand of God. I shared with the group that before I found Christ, I remember having this thought that my life will just add up to be a long series of events; one after another and one memory after another with no meaning. That changed when I found the Lord. Instead I have this peace, this contentment in knowing that this life is but a stage and I am just passing through; that my real life begins in eternity when I will see God face to face. That to me is inspiring. We also discussed how Solomon concludes that wisdom is better than folly, but both share the same fate of death so he finds the pursuit meaningless.

We had Dave, one of our babysitters, over for dinner tonight. We got to use J's new scoop bib since we had messy spaghetti and it did a great job of catching the spills. Dave will stay with J while we go to an equipping session at church. We were invited to be prayer givers as the church enters a forgiveness sermon series. If anyone wants prayer after the service, we will be at tables in the back to pray with them. For a couple years, we were part of a prayer group that met at 6am Tuesday mornings to pray for the church. Since the group ended, they haven't had a prayer ministry but now they will be laying a foundation for the prayer ministry through this. It was a good reminder of the power of prayer in a person's life. I can still remember clearly a time I went up for prayer and what an impact it had on me what the person shared. I'm thankful to be a part of it yet I'm battling some feelings of nervousness too. Thoughts like, what if my mind goes blank or I can't think of anything to pray. I know this is another opportunity to just trust the Lord and he will do the work through me so when the thoughts come I just lay them down and won't dwell on them. I saw some familiar faces at the training session, a couple of whom I hadn't seen since J was born but they had partnered in prayer for me and L during that time. They were so happy to see I was doing well and it was so good to see them.

When we got home, J was waiting at the door with his huge smile and quickly took me to where he was playing and showed me his cars. When Dave left, J wanted to go outside so I showed him it was dark but he really wanted to so we waved goodbye to Dave, got a little fresh air then tucked J into bed. Mommy may be able to tuck herself in before 10:30 tonight so I better wrap up here.

May God's grace be upon us

We had another lazy morning, this time not getting up until almost 8am. After breakfast, I asked if J wanted to play with our art stuff downstairs since it had been a while. He dropped what he was doing to come. We started out with some coloring. I was showing J how to trace his hand and decorate it but he wanted to scribble instead. He also liked playing with some Sesame Street stickers and "pancake playdoh" he calls it. I went in the laundry room for a minute and he came in too. He'd open the washer door, talk a little bit, then close it and walk out. Then he'd come back and do it again. I asked him what he was doing and he said "J's clothes wash". Cute.

In my devotional time, I continued on in Luke 2. It says that Jesus grew; he became strong, filled with wisdom and the grace of God was upon him. I wonder what it means to have the grace of God upon you? To take that a little deeper, I started with Google putting in that exact phrase and came up with 131,000 responses! One of the sights I found shared that there are two sides of the coin to grace. On the one side is grace which means unmerited favor, compassion. This is the grace that we are saved by. The other side of grace is the divine power and ability God imparts to us to operate in what the Lord has given us to do. It's the second definition that fits the verse above. How God was equipping Jesus for the work he had for him to do. I've not really thought of grace in that way before, so that helps. Joseph and Mary took Jesus (now 12 years old) to the Festival of the Passover in Jerusalem. When Mary and Joseph left, Jesus stayed behind. It took his parents 3 days, but they finally found him in the temple. Jesus was talking with the elders who were amazed at his understanding. When questioned by his parents, Jesus was taken aback asking why they were searching for him, don't they know he had to be about his Father's house (business)? Here we actually see some of the work that God had equipped him to do, even at the age of 12.

We're starting a new book in my women's study called Is This All There is to Life by Ray Stedman. This study is on the book of Ecclesiastes. I've wanted to study this book of the bible for awhile. It's L's favorite plus it's intriguing because we all search for meaning in our lives. Ray says the book asks the question, "Is there a key to continual delight and joy in our lives?" It'll be neat to find out if the book answers that question!

We had a guest speaker at our church today who spoke on Revelation 2:1-7. He used the church in Ephesus "forsaking their first love" as a way to warn us of the temptation we have as Christ followers to get to a point in our faith where we feel pretty good about ourselves and how much we know. That we can fall into being arrogant, forgetting our first love and begin looking down on others. He spoke about agape love which we find defined in 1 Corinthians 13. This is how God loves us and calls us to love others. This was good to think about.

J did pretty well at dinner tonight. We went out after church with our friends to McD's. I brought food for J from home and stayed away from fries. I realize if I get them, that's the only thing he will eat. We played some puzzles and daddy played his guitar and then it was J's bedtime. Tonight, after bedtime prep, singing over J and saying prayers I just rocked him and held him in my arms with my eyes closed. For those few moments, I just quieted myself and soaked in the love a mother has for her child; experiencing the blessing that this little one is.