Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hard to scold when so cute

This morning before breakfast J was going around saying "I'm a digger" or "I'm a garbage truck" pretending he was driving and making truck sounds then "beep, beep" like he was backing up. Then he asked to worship so we put on our worship CD and got breakfast. Several times he was saying "mommy, I want to go on the farm". He wants to go back to the farm from Saturday. He also was saying he wants the garbage man to come again. I forgot to mention yesterday that we watched the garbage truck go through dumping all the garbage bins on our block. It has an automatic arm that comes out and grabs the bin. At first it scared him but he was entranced watching. We did our grocery shopping for the week. I had a lot of extras to get this week so it was taking a lot longer than usual. J was asking to go home. He held up pretty well though.

During my devotional time, I continued in Luke 18 (and reading Beth Moore's book Jesus the One and Only). This is the story of the rich young ruler. This man comes to Jesus to ask what he must do to inherit eternal life. Jesus gave him instruction like do not steal, do not commit adultery, to which he replies that he has kept those commands. Then Jesus tells him to sell everything and give it to the poor. The man is sad because he loves his possessions. About this request Jesus made, Beth shares that Jesus could see into his heart that he was a prisoner and his possessions were number one. Jesus was pointing him to the path of freedom. This man called him good teacher and Jesus corrects him by saying no one is good except God. Beth brings up Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. She shares how any good thing in us (or that comes out of us) is from God. I used to have a hard time with this idea before I found the scriptures that support it. It hurt me to think that I wasn't somehow good. Now I understand it, how nothing in me is inherently good. My sinful nature always pops up. Yet I am lovely in God's eyes and loved by him as his creation. Beth wrote that the pure-hearted pursuit of God's will is a large part of what God honors.

It was a really rainy day today so we played inside after lunch. I gave him some Thomas stickers to play with. He is funny in that he likes taking the stickers and putting them up his arm, then he'll go to the couch and stick them all to the seat. I showed him how to use paper but he likes to do it this way, since he can take them off and on over and over. At dinner, he did really well and looked like he was done because he started playing with his fork. I asked if he was all done and he said "no, cleaning up the pocket". He was taking his fork and trying to get the food that fell into his bib! But...then he started throwing it on the floor and pushing it off his tray. I scolded him and he says "I'm feeding Buca" (our cat). Then he starts going "meow, meow, meow". It was really hard to be upset anymore.

We had our life group tonight which ended up being a small group with just four of us. We missed the service having been in East Troy but we started a study on Ecclesiastes which is what my women's bible study is going through. Our host came up with some really good questions to discuss. One of the things that really stuck with me is focusing on enjoying the moment. This is something I'm aiming for with J instead of seeing this period as "the terrible twos", I'm instead looking at the challenging times as those where I get to grow and J is growing also; growing in gaining independence and yet needing guidance and direction as well as correction.

We're looking forward to the summer of informal get-togethers with our life group where we are thinking about going through a book together relating to marriage. I think that will be really good, to be able to have discussions with other couples that most likely wrestle with a lot of the same issues. Before we left, we were reminiscing about what a great year we've had in the group and how we've all connected really well. We were remembering how I came with L to the first 3 meetings and then was gone for a month and a half spending time with my family towards the end of my depression. It feels like so long ago yet it was not even one year. She shared something really humbling, that she was so touched by our openness with what we were going through and that amidst the crisis we were holding on to our faith and pushing forward. She said it was wonderful to watch us recover. I'm reading a woman's story about post-partum depression right now and it's inspiring me to get going on writing mine. Someone planted the seed for me to get my story down on paper and lately I feel God's moving me to do that. I think it's another step in the healing process and to prepare for how God may want to use this experience.

L has taken some vacation time from work for the next several days so it will be fun to have more family time. I should wrap up now since it's getting too close to midnight.

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